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Dino Checks Out/Quotes

< Dino Checks Out

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Don Reynolds

What can you say about a guy like Dino? He was a mean, bitter, selfish, arrogant, back-stabbing... A nasty human being! But Dino had another side, too... He was also a sniveling coward.

Candy

Dino and I had two really great years together, and then we got married.

Lawyer (going over Dino Spamoni's will)

"My house and money will all go to my most recent ex-wife Candy."

Candy

YESSSSS!

Jimmy

Can we go home now?

Candy

IN A MINUTE!

Executor (Reading Dino Spumoni's Will)

"And I leave my extensive collection of paintings to be equally divided among my five ex-wives-except Bunny, who gets jack-squat."

Bunny

Aw, nuts! Take me home, Chooch!

Arnold

Maybe it's... rats?

Grandpa

Rats? There's no rats in the boarding house. 'Cept Oskar.

Oskar

That's right. There's no ra— Hey!

Mr. Hyunh

The ghost of Dino is angry. We must offer him a big fish to make him not so angry. His stomach will be full and then he will go away.

Ernie:

That's the stupidest idea I ever heard. Let's do it.

Arnold

I'm not supposed to tell anyone, but the truth is Dino's not really a ghost.

Grandpa

Oh, I know.

Arnold

You know?

Grandpa

Course I know. I may be feeble-minded, but I'm not stupid.

Arnold

How did you know?

Grandpa

Ghosts don't take showers.

Arnold

Oh.

Grandpa

They take baths! (chuckles)

Grandpa

Y'know, for a nine-year-old, you sure like to take the weight of the world on your shoulders. You oughta be out playing with your little friends. Why don't you go out and play some stickball or go see a movie?

Arnold

Grandpa, it's two o'clock in the morning.

Grandpa

There's always a downside with you, isn't there?

Ernie

Hey, Oskar, he's not dead! I want my two bucks back!

Dino

Well, youse all came to see a show. Seein' as how I just K.O.'d da headliner, maybe I can fill in. I mean, uh, I may not be DIno-Mania, but I'm an incredible simulation.

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