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(The episode opens with Arnold daydreaming about surfing on a surfboard, until the daydream ends.)

Helga

Cut, cut! Hey Arnold!

Arnold

Huh?

Helga

Get off the stage! (the kids laugh at Arnold) this isn't your scene!

Arnold

Oh, yeah. Sorry.

Helga

Amateur. OK, let's pick them up from the dance of vegetables. a 5, 6, 7, 8... (the bell rings) Not so fast.

Harold

Come on, Helga. We know our lines.

Helga

Know your lines? Of course you know your lines. But I don't wanna just hear your lines. I wanna hear what's in your souls!

Curly

Do vegetables have souls?

Helga

That audience expects foods with feelings, and that's what we're gonna give 'em. Iggy, what's your motivation?

Iggy

I don't know. I'm a utensil.

Helga

Stinky, what's in your character's guts? (Stinky passes out) I thought so. You guys all bite. OK. Here's the deal. I want every kid here a half an hour early so we can do another run-through. If anybody's late, they're gonna have to answer to Old Betsy.

(the scene cuts to the boarding house where Arnold goes inside to change into his costume for the play.)

Monkeyman

I'm Monkeyman!

(Arnold comes out dressed up as a banana and Gerald dressed up as a strawberry.)

Gerald

Fruits! We had to be fruits! Why couldn't we be in the bread group, or beverages? I could've been a grape soda.

Arnold

Yeah, well we're fruits. And let's hurry or we'll miss the bus!

Gerald

Slow down! This strawberry really chafes.

(they get to the back of the bus)

Gerald

Man, this is humiliating.

Arnold

This is nothing. In a few hours, the entire student body will be laughing at us. (the bus stops) I can't believe we have to do this. For Helga.

Gerald

I know. It's not fair. But there's nothing we can do about it. Nothing. Unless...

Arnold

Unless what?

Gerald

Let's just say we forgot to pull that cord, and we didn't get off at this stop, or the next stop, or the next! Hey, by the time we'd get back home, the play would be over.

Arnold

No, we couldn't do that. It would ruin the play.

Gerald

Well was it right for Helga to make fun of you during rehearsal?

Arnold

Well, oh, Gerald we gotta stop. We can't ruin the play.

(Arnold tries to pull the bus cord, but lets it go at the last second then the bus passes P.S. 118)

Arnold

Well, maybe one more stop will be OK.

(The scene fades to the rehearsals)

Helga

People, people! (she claps twice) Now remember, a play has a life of it's own. It's got to breathe. Every food group must build upon the group that came before it. First, the legumes.

Peapod Kid

Legumes? I thought we were beans.

Helga

You are, Genius! Then the meats, lusty and powerful. Then the fruits, they're... (notices Arnold & Gerald are not there) Hey where are the fruits?

Phoebe

They're not here, Helga. They never showed up.

Helga

What?! ARN-OOOOOLD!

(Meanwhile back on the bus)

Arnold

Did you hear something just now?

Gerald

No.

Arnold

Hey, how far does this bus go anyway?

Gerald

What difference does it make? When it gets the end of the line, we'll just ride it back again. The journey is the destination, man.

Arnold

What's that mean?

Gerald

I'm not sure. I heard it in a hippie movie.

(the bus engine shuts off)

Arnold

Hey what's going on?

(they get off the bus)

Gerald

Aw man, this is the end of the line.

Arnold

You and your hippie movies. Does this mean...?

Gerald

Yeah, we're stuck.

Arnold

Downtown.

Gerald

As Fruits.

Arnold

Now what?

Gerald

Hmm. I know. We'll call my Mom & Dad. They'll come pick us up.

Arnold

Good idea.

(they try to call his parents, but the pay-phone cord is cut.)

Gerald

Great, just great.

Arnold

Well, at least, let's get rid of these costumes.

Gerald

Uh, I can't.

Arnold

Why not?

Gerald

I didn't wear anything underneath.

Arnold

You didn't wear anything underneath?

Gerald

Well, polyester makes me sweat.

Arnold

OK, so you have to stay a strawberry.

Gerald

Arnold, this is serious. We're stuck downtown, I'm a strawberry, and we don't have any money!

(a car comes up and throws them a bag)

Morrie

Here you go.

Arnold

What's this?

Morrie

You know what it is. Just take it.

(they open up the bag and find some money)

Arnold

Wow! People downtown sure are friendly.

Gerald

Let's go.

(Arnold and Gerald leave, then two men dressed like them come)

Vic

He's two minutes late.

(they go to Roscoe's Funky Rags, and change their costumes, except Arnold has on his banana-shaped shoes.)

Gerald

You were right, Arnold. Those shoes really pull your look together.

Arnold

You hungry?

(they stop at Gino's Souvlaki Shack)

Gerald

Does Souvlaki cover the four food groups?

Arnold

Who cares?

(they share a laugh. The scene cuts to the play)

Harold

I'm a steak, juicy steak, full of fat and protein;

Eugene

I'm a ham, you know I am, and if you keep kosher, I'm not in your routine!

Helga

Psst! Psst! Stretch! Stretch! I can't believe this is happening. Do you know how hard I prepared for my role? I ate nothing but dairy products for two weeks! If I ever get my hands on that Arnold I'll, I'll...

(She takes out her locket with a picture of Arnold on it)

Soothe his fevered brow. Oh, my poor lost sweetheart, how I love you.

(we hear a crash, Harold is on top of the audience.)

And yet I hate you! And yet I love you. And yet I hate you! And yet I love you.

(She is interrupted by Brainy's breathing, and she punches him in the nose. Now we cut to Ernie's Pool Hall where we see Arnold and Gerald dancing on the pool tables.)

Arnold

Hey, waiter. Sodas for everyone. (the customers cheer) Rack 'em again, fat man.

Vic

Whaddya mean you gave it to the wrong banana?

Morrie

Um...

Vic

What did this other banana look like?

Morrie

You know, kinda small, kinda yellow, banana shoes... just like those. Hey!

Vic

Hey, you two!

(they chase Arnold and Gerald, until they make a getaway at Zamboni Jones Psychic Palace)

Zamboni Jones

Who enters the realm of the Great Zamboni?

Arnold

Uh... I'm Arnold. This is Gerald.

Jones

Wait, wait! You're... you're Arnold, and... Gerald.

Gerald

Good guess.

Jones

Ha! Zamboni Jones does not guess, he knows. You have come to me with a problem.

Arnold

Yeah, we came downtown and at first everything was great. But... now it's all... gone wrong.

Jones

There is a disturbance in your karmic energy field. Hmmmmm.... is there someone you may have harmed in the past? Hmmm? Someone you may have wronged?

(Gerald thinks in his head then we see...)

Helga

(Crying) My play! My play! My beautiful play! (she hits her head on a light pole as he says it. Then cut to reality.)

Gerald

Nope. Can't think of a soul.

Arnold

Gerald! You gotta be kidding. Think of Helga and her play and all the kids at school we're letting down.

Gerald

What's your point?

Arnold

Ugh... Come on, we got a karmic energy field to fix. Bye, Mr. Jones, thanks.

Jones

Hey, where's my $3.50? I should've foreseen this.

(then they hail a taxi and go back to Roscoe's Funky Rags and get their costumes out of the dumpster, then they get back into the fruit costume, then they stop to give money to a family fixing a car.)

Woman

Wow! People downtown sure are friendly.

(then they make their stop at P.S. 118.)

Helga

I'm ruined! Ruined! My future as a playwright is over!

(Phoebe looks at Helga with tears in her eyes)

Helga

(clears throat) Ladies and gentlemen, ...there will be a small change in the fourth act. We won't be having it. It seems that some of our food groups are not as dedicated as the rest of us. But the show must go ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!

Arnold, Gerald and the rest of the kids

It's fruits, it's fruits, that really makes us toots;
It's fruits, it's fruits, that give us all a hoot!
It's not like other food groups aren't important;
In fact, you need us all to make your fingernails and eyes and organs-
It's fruits, it's fruits, you have to have your fruits;
That's what the folks with scurvy say;
'Cause it's fruits, us fruits, that really makes us sing; (Arnold holds the last note)

Helga

Wait until I get my hands on you, Arnold, you... beautiful creature.

All

This is the end of our play!

(Helga frees her head from her costume, then Brainy releases the curtain rod and Helga is given a bouquet of roses)

Helga

(sigh)

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