Most of Helga's poetry is inspired on her love for Arnold. She had at least fourteen books filled up with her poems about him.


From "Phoebe Cheats"

Cowlicks, like fields of yellow corn,
All the days of my week,
I write the name I dare not speak.
The boy with the cornflower hair,
My beloved, and my despair.

From "The Little Pink Book"

Your eyes, like two green jellybeans,
Are pools I want to bathe in.
My head doth swoon, and yet
I want to beat your face in.

From "The aptitude test"

Arnold, you idiot,
I've always sworn it
I've always loved you
My darling, my darling.
Kiss me, my darling,
Oh, orzo shaped Prometheus,
Wandering the dismal deserts of my tormented soul.

From The Little Pink Book

To Arnold with the
red-hot lips,
Your football head
Your awesome face,
Your grungy chic,
Your cat-like grace
Whose red-hot lips do
I want to taste?
Three guesses stupid:
Arnold, Arnold, Arnold!!

From "Helga's Parrot"

Arnold my love,
My sultry preteen,
Why must I hold you
only whilst I dream?
Will I be forever enslaved by your spell?
Why must I worship you and never ever tell?
Arnold, you make my girlhood tremble,
My senses all go wacky.
Someday, I'll tell the world, my love...
Or my name's not Helga G. Pataki!

"Fountain of Love", from "Helga's Love Potion"

Each morn, I see you bend to drink,
From love's own crystal pool.
I tremble near you, try to think.
Will I forever say, "You stink"?
Am I bound by this tragic rule?

From "The Little Pink Book"

H is for the head I'd like to punt.
E is for every time I see the little runt.
L is longing for our firstest kiss.
G is for how good that longing is.
A is for Arnold. Doi!!


Farewell for now, Heroic Prince.
Our yellow love chariot has arrived.
Gladly I go now to see to your delicious face.
Sadly, I stash my passion deep in this secret pink place.

From "Helga's Show"

What can I say about my friends
Who are pleasant and loyal to the end
There's Harold, Rhonda, Stinky, and Nate
And Sid and Nadine, and gosh, they're all great
Take Rhonda, she's a stylish girl
One of the nicest in the world
And Arnold is a thoughtful fellow
As smart and as kind as his hair is yellow
Stinky is a likable sort
He's certainly tall and his hair is short
Harold is a friend to all
He's a kid who's really on the ball
And Chocolate Boy, hey, what about him?
He must love chocolate as much as we love him

From "School Play"

Arnold, what a boob, what a smarty-pants-know-it-all, how I despise him, and yet…
I love him.
His noble curiosity,
His keen powers of observation,
His unfaltering sense of right and wrong.
Oh, if only I could find the strength to tell him how much I adore him,
If only there was some way I could let him him know,
Some way I could whisper my secret adoring thoughts, so this fever'd brow'd,
Dare I even think it? Kiss the lips that haunt my girlish dreams?
Oh, if only,
If only…

All my days have come to this,
My secret heart, spent in one kiss.
And, though it comes from a pretender,
Not me, but Juliet, the sender,
May Arnold take my kiss for tender.