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- I know, Grandpa. "Don't go in there for a while."
- (tossing Arnold's hair) Ho ho! Ya know me so well, short man.
Arnold
- Did you wash your hands?
- (Timpani shot.)
Grandpa
- I knew I forgot somethin'. (walks back in)
Grandpa
- (referring to Arnold's parents) Oh, I'm sorry, Arnold. I miss them, too. But I'm glad you get to see them even if it's only in a dream. Oh, but it's better than the nightmare I keep havin'. I live in a rundown old boarding house, renting my rooms to a bunch o' weirdos who always want things from me.
- A pig eating bacon? It's very creepy.
- Hey, Arnold, ready for the best day of school?
Arnold
- The best day, Gerald?
Gerald
- Yeah. Today's the last day of school. Therefore, by my calculations...
Arnold
- It's the best day.
Arnold
- San Lorenzo? The San Lorenzo?
- Is that the new Mexican restaurant?
- Naw. That place has been there a while.
- Close, Stinky. It's a beautiful, proud republic to our south. This is where we'll go if we win the contest.
Harold
- To a Mexican restaurant!
Gerald
- (repeated line) Mm-mm-mm!
Mr. Simmons
- Never fear. I have every minute planned out for this trip. Getting anyone lost is definitely not on this agenda!
Grandpa
- Mmm, you ever travel with a dozen kids before?
Arnold
- I know this video wouldn't have happened without you, Gerald. I can't thank you enough!
Gerald
- You should thank Helga. This was her idea. You should see all the videos she has of—
- Of the things! Ha, around the city, amazing! Anyway, it's done. We're going to San Lorenzo.
Arnold
- Wow! Thank you, Helga!
- (Arnold puts his hand on Helga's shoulder, causing her to get a buzzing sensation and hear fireworks.)
Helga
- (happily) Oh-ho! And I... have to go wash my socks!
Grandma
- (holding a handmade blowpipe) Venture forth armed with this, Kimba.
Grandpa
- Pookie! Arnold will never get a handmade blowpipe through security! Oh, and, uh... (rummaging through Arnold's drawer, takes out a stapler) Here, short man. Take this instead. It'll remind you of home.
Arnold
- Um, thanks?
Mr. Simmons
- Harold, why do ya have a deli platter?
Harold
- My mom gave me this in case there's no food in San Lorenzo.
Mr. Simmons
- There's plenty of food there, Harold. No platter necessary.
Harold
- No platter?
Grandpa
- Arnold, you're going to the jungle. So don't catch any tropical diseases like malaria, or diphtheria, or cholera, or yellow fever, or hookworm, or elephantitis, or leprocy, or tennis elbow...
Arnold
- (yelps)
Grandpa
- ...or itchy armpits, or boom-boom fever, or Alder's neck rash!
Crewman
- (to Grandma) Hey, crazy lady! Get outta my stair truck!
Grandma
- (laughs dementedly)
Grandpa
- ...or Palmer's knee, or Borneo's disease, or... I don't know... athlete's foot!
Arnold
- (off-screen) Y'know, I'm really gonna miss Grandma and Grandpa.
- (gasps) My hair!
- You know what they say, Rhonda. "It's not the heat. It's the humidity."
- Is there a toilet on this boat?!
Harold
- I love buff-ets!
Helga
- (gags) Time to feed the fish!
Harold
- Hey! ¡Ocupado!
Arnold
- This whole trip's been about one thing. I want to find my lost parents, but I feel like I'm about to put us all in—
Helga
- Yeah, yeah, I know all about your parents. How do you feel about me?
Arnold
- Huh?
Helga
- You wouldn't even be here without me! Oh, Arnold, I may act like I don't care! I may even say I hate you, but that's a cover! I actually do care about you.
Arnold
- Huh?
Helga
- Oh don't play dumb, Arnold. You know what I'm talking about! You're like some weird old wise man, for crying out loud! I know you can handle the truth, and I can, too!
Arnold
- What are you talking about!?
Helga
- I'm talking about the fact that I really like you, Arnold, like thunder likes lightning, like faces like fists! You know, like-like! In fact, I lo—
Arnold
- (gasps) There's a boat coming!
Mr. Simmons
- Oh, dear, a pirate attack? Not on the agenda!
Olga
- Fight hard, Che! (squeals) But don't hurt your runway-quality chiseled face!
Eugene
- Is the habitat a short walk from here?
Eduardo
- Oh, no. No, it's many, many... many miles... over rough trails.
Rhonda
- Oh, that is such bad news.
Eduardo
- Through steep muddy jungle...
Rhonda
- Ugh! Just got worse!
Eduardo
- But then it smooths out...
Students
- (gasp)
Eduardo
- And becomes an enormous swamp.
Students
- (groan)
Helga
- We didn't sign up for this, Arnold, but you knew that already. Now we're literally up the river without a stinking paddle!
Eduardo
- Um, eh... may I have your attention? There's been a misunderstanding, which I would like to correct. I am not Eduardo.
- (He takes off his fake mustache to reveal...)
- I am Lasombra!
Students
- (gasp)
Lasombra
- And you are now my prisoners!
- (The gates close shut as Che drags Arnold away.)
Arnold
- No!
Lasombra
- And you will remain my prisoners until this football-headed boy shows me where to find the Corazón.
Arnold
- How could you?
Lasombra
- Easy, see? (playing with his fake mustache) Eduardo, Lasombra, Eduardo, Lasombra, Abraham Lincoln, Frida Kahlo. Easy.
Rhonda
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, I have a question. Does this dump get Wi-Fi?
Lasombra
- Yes.
Rhonda
- (gasps)
Lasombra
- But I'm not giving you the password.
Rhonda
- You monster!
Lasombra
- (beat) How did you guess? (to burly guard) Go change it to the other password! And don't forget to write it down this time!
Mr. Simmons
- You've got Benedict, Arnold! Benedict Arnold was a general who defected to the other si—
Students
- We know, Simmons!
Curly
- Psst! Do you need an inside man? I can be the camp snitch. Wink.
Lasombra
- Sorry, kid. You are too loco even for us villains.
Helga
- Next chance I get, I'm knockin' that dingus, Arnold, into next week!
Helga
- Oh, Arnold. You poor, tortured creature. Having known the depths of your despair, I wouldn't have left your side in your time of loneliness! If ever you needed my love, it's now, and you have it, forever and always. I must do anything, make any sacrifice, to help you find your parents! Oh, Arnold, you magnificent specimen! I'm coming for you!
- (Helga reaches inside her shirt for her locket, before remembering what she did with it.)
- (wheezes) Uh, Helga?
- (Brainy holds in his hands the locket, with the picture of Arnold restored.)
Helga
- Brainy? Ohhh! I could hit you! (She kisses him instead) Mwah!
- (Brainy just stands confused, but then gets out some pan pipes and dances merrily.)
Phoebe
- See you on the other side... (kisses Gerald on the cheek) ...handsome.
Arnold
- (taking out stapler) Grandpa said this would come in handy.
- (Arnold successfully snatches the keys from the guard's hand and replaces it with the stapler. He unlocks the door with ease. Suddenly the guard wakes up.)
Flunky Guard
- Oh, what? What are you—? Why are you—?
- (Helga knocks the guard out with the stapler.)
Helga
- Grandpa was right, Football Head.
Helga
- Ah! Well, now that you dragged us to stinkin' San Nowhere-zo, how do we find these Green-Eyes?
Arnold
- Don't worry. I've got a map, and according to my dad's journal, the Green-Eyes live somewhere around here. (points to the area labeled "Unknown") Come on!
Helga
- Cute. He's got a map.
- Beepers are freaking out. I don't get it. What does—What does "505-808" mean?
- Oh, that's beeper code for "SOS, Bob." "SOS" means "help".
Big Bob
- I know what "SOS" means, but who would want my help now, Miriam?
Miriam
- Aren't the girls on a field trip?
Big Bob and Miriam
- (gasp) Olga!
- (They run out of the store and into Bob's Hummer.)
Miriam
- Oh, and the other one!
Big Bob
- Oh, right, right, Helga!
Grandpa
- Abner?!
Abner
- (desperate squeal)
Grandpa
- How in the Toledo did you get here?
Grandma
- Oh, my! W-W-What happened?
Abner
- (squealing)
- (Flashback revealing Abner diving out of the boat.)
Grandma
- What?
Abner
- (continues grunting)
- (In the flashback, Abner swims to shore, only to be pursued by a water snake.)
Grandma
- No!
Abner
- (continues grunting)
Grandma
- (gasps) No!
- (In flashback, Baner takes a ride with a bunch of bandits.)
Abner
- (squeals)
Grandma
- Are you kidding me?!
Abner
- (continues grunting)
- (In flashback, in a Tom and Jerry-esque fashion, the snake hitches onto the back spare tire of the bandits' Jeep.)
Grandma
- There's no way that happened.
Abner
- (continues grunting)
- (In the flashback, Abner leaps onto the wheel of a plane, still being chased by the snake, which also latches onto the wheel.)
Grandma
- Oh, my stars!
Abner
- (continues grunting)
Grandma
- Well, you are blowing my mind!
Abner
- (continues grunting)
- (In the flashback, Abner is seen riding first class, being offered a shrimp cocktail.)
Grandma
- Well, then what—
Abner
- (continues grunting)
Grandma
- Oh, what?
Abner
- (continues grunting)
- (Somehow, the snake is seen riding coach. Back to Sunset Arms.)
Grandma
- They serve shrimp cocktail in first class?
Grandpa
- Ya came all the way to tell us about shrimp cocktail?
- (Wipe to reveal the Hummer pulling up to a fancy small plane.)
Grandpa
- Wow! Fancy plane! The beeper business must be booming!
Big Bob
- Oh. No, that's not us. This is.
- (Pan right to reveal a run-down old plane with the words "Rent Me" on the wing.)
Abner
- (squeals)
Arnold
- Good thinking, Helga! You're brilliant!
Helga
- (lovingly) Oh! (back to mean) Well, at least one of us can read!
Helga
- Did I say it was okay to touch me?!
Lasombra
- (to Pirate #2) Please. You first.
Pirate #2
- No, Jefe! You first.
Lasombra
- No, no, no, I insist. (draws a sword threateningly) You first.
- (The pirate steps and falls through.)
Pirate #2
- Shouldn't have gone first!!!
Gerald
- Mm-mm-mm. Arnold, this statue sure looks a lot like you.
Helga
- Hmm. I gotta say, it's not half-bad. I've seen better.
Mr. Simmons
- Class, with a little ingenuity, we can transform tragedy into a teachable moment.
- (Pull out to reveal he is literally teaching a class full of monkeys.)
Mr. Simmons
- Okay, class, listening ears!
- (The guards laugh at the unhinged teacher.)
Phoebe
- Well, so much for adult supervision.
Sid
- Air guitar!
Harold
- Look at me! I'm a distraction!
Phoebe (voiceover)
- Next, unleash the Curly!
Curly
- FREE THE ANIMALS IN THE ZOO!!!
Grandma
- (parachuting down) Geronimo!
Grandpa
- Sacagawea!
Big Bob
- Gesundheit!
Olga
- Oh, Daddy, that boy was mean to me!
- (Bob rages and attacks Che.)
Big Bob
- You and me are gonna go round and round!
Eugene
- I'm like the big ball in that movie!
Green-Eyed children
- Arnold...
Helga
- Yeah, yeah. (imitating the children) "Arnold..." We get it!
Gerald
- Do you notice anything strange about this place? There are no grownups here.
Helga
- That's the weird part?!
Arnold
- Please, can you help us?
Helga
- (aside, to Gerald) You don't suppose she hablas inglés?
Gerald
- I got this. Hey, girl. How's it goin'?
(The Girl Queen walks right by Gerald and takes Arnold's hand.)
Helga
- What the-?
Gerald
- Man, why can't I ever be the chosen one?
Girl Queen
- Parqa main kukui, Lasombra!
Lasombra
- So you've heard of me. How flattering. Well, I am infamous.
Helga
- Where are our friends?
Lasombra
- (taking the treasure) Ah, don't worry. My guards are keeping an eye on them. Speaking of which, who is guarding this place? Wait. You are all children.
Helga
- Uh, doi! Welcome to five minutes ago!
Arnold
- No! You can't take their things!
Lasombra
- You're right. Why take anything when I could bring people here and sell it to them? I could charge admission! I can see it now: "Hidden-City Land." (gets knifed in the back) Ow! How dare you? Ah! (gets bombarded by the kids) You meddling— You don't understand capitalism!
Gerald
- I want to unsee that!
Arnold
- Eduardo! It's really you?
Eduardo
- Hello, my—
Helga
- Wait! Not another "Eduardo!" "Your parents' trusted friend with a mustache?" Ha! I've heard that before! Why should we trust him?
Eduardo
- You are welcome to climb back down.
Lasombra
- So, you finally caught up to us, Eduardo! You call that a mustache?
Eduardo
- (sighs) He died the way he lived. Full of poison.
--- Gerald
- One question? How are we gonna get back over there?
Eduardo
- Um, I prefer the stone bridge myself.
- (Pan left to reveal a stone bridge.)
Gerald
- Well, all right, then.
Arnold
- (gasps) Dad? Mom? It's me.
Helga
- Arnold...
Arnold
- Are they...
Eduardo
- No, no. It's the sleeping sickness, from over nine years ago.
Arnold
- Helga, what are you doing?
Helga
- This must be it! You were supposed to put the heart of gold here, and then, well, something would happen. I'm not a scientist.
Helga
- I... might have something that would work. (reveals her locket) It's, uh, a heart. I think it could fit. This is just gold-plated. It's not a very pure heart.
Arnold
- I don't know. I think your heart... is more pure than you know.
Helga
- You are such a football head.
Miles and Stella
- Hey... Arnold.
Stella
- Looks like you finished the work we started, Arnold.
Miles
- I'm so proud of you, son.
Gerald
- Mm-mm-mm, now I've seen everything!
Arnold
- Hey, Helga.
Helga
- Ah! Hey, Arnold.
- (The arrow Helga was using drops and she kicks it away.)
Arnold
- Helga, I've known you my whole life practically, and you've always been angry and... and kinda... y'know, mean.
Helga
- Yeah! So?
Arnold
- But... I've also seen you be really loyal and super brave. So I always wondered if maybe you were mean to me because... well, you loved me?
Helga
- Love? You? Well, yeah, sure, I mean, like I love a root canal! Haha!
Arnold
- Listen, I know you tried to tell me before, and I wasn't ready to hear it. But now, this whole thing: the trip to San Lorenzo, getting away from Lasombra, finding my parents... it's all 'cause of you. Your locket.
Helga
- Locket? What locket?
- (The locket falls out of the wheel.)
Arnold
- Your locket. It woke up my parents. You did it all just to help me, and... and...
- (Arnold holds Helga's hands and kisses her. Helga's foot lifts up into the air.)
Gerald
- Mm-mm-mmm!
- (Arnold and Helga pull away from each other as Helga whistles innocently.)
Gerald
- Okay. Now I've seen everything!
Miles
- Breakfast is served! Eggs in a basket!
Grandma
- Don't you mean toad-in-a-hole?
Stella
- We call it eggs in a basket.
Ernie
- Finally, someone with some sense around here!
Grandpa
- No disrespect, but you've both been asleep for ten years. What do you know about breakfast?
Arnold
- (laughs) Mom! Dad! You're really back!
Miles and Stella
- Hey, Arnold!
Miles
- Were you having that same dream again where you never found us?
Arnold
- Yeah, the same dream I've been having all summer.
Stella
- It's no dream, Arnold. You really came and rescued us, and now we're really back home with you. What do you say we go on an adventure today? I read that the city botanical gardens has a new rainforest exhibit.
Arnold
- Sounds great, but... it's actually the first day of school.
Stella
- Oh, of course! We knew that.
Miles
- Sure. We're hip.
Grandma
- Who is that cute little blonde boy?
Gerald
- Well, Arnold, you ready for the worst day of school?
Arnold
- You mean the first day of school?
Gerald
- That's what I said.
Arnold
- Come on, Gerald, look at the bright side. We're in sixth grade now. How bad could it be?
Miles and Stella
- Hey Arnold!
Stella
- Can we walk with you to school?
Miles
- Yeah, we already miss you!
Arnold
- (laughs) Sure, Mom and Dad!
Mr. Simmons
- I still have a job!
(final lines)
Miles
- When will you be done?
- (The school bell rings.)
Arnold
- Uh, 3:30.
Stella
- We'll be waiting right here.
- (Arnold walks into the school and the doors close on Miles and Stella.)