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Cast, as Credited

Arnold Spencer Klein
Helga / Deep Voice Francesca Marie Smith
Gerald / Rasta Guy Jamil Smith
Grandpa / Nick Vermicelli / Jolly Olly Man (uncredited) Dan Castellaneta
Grandma / Mayor Dixie / Red Tress MacNeille
Scheck Paul Sorvino
Bridget Jennifer Jason Leigh
Coroner Christopher Lloyd
Big Bob / Head of Security Maurice LaMarche
Miriam / Mona / Reporter Kath E. Soucie
Stinky Christopher P. Walberg
Sid Sam Gifaldi
Harold Justin Shenkarow
Eugene Blake Ewing
Rhonda Olivia Hack
Phoebe Anndi McAfee
Mr. Green / Riot Cop James Keane
Mrs. Vitello Elizabeth Ashley
Ray Doppel Michael Levin
Oskar Steve Viksten
Ernie Dom Irrera
Mr. Hyunh Baoan Coleman
Brainy / Murray / Grubby / Monkeyman Craig Bartlett

A street

(Arnold and Gerald walking down the street; Arnold is bouncing a basketball)

Gerald

I'm telling you, Arnold, your ball is flat.

Arnold

It's not flat. It's just a little low on air.
(The ball pops and deflates)

Gerald

Like I said, your ball is flat.
Hey, I still can't believe we let those fifth graders beat us.

Arnold

Well, the important thing is we tried our best.

Gerald

The important thing is we got our buns whupped.

Arnold

Come on Gerald, we had fun. And we almost beat 'em.

Gerald

Why do you do that Arnold? Why do you always have to look on the bright side?

Arnold

Somebody has to.
(Arnold and Gerald notice FTi helicopters, and a crowd of citizens)

Arnold

Mr. Green, what's going on?

Mr. Green

It's Scheck. He wants to buy up the whole neighborhood so he can knock it down and put up a fancy mall.

Arnold

Who's Scheck?
(The crowd is watching TV)

Reporter (on TV)

The plan, which was approved by the mayor just moments ago, would allow Future Tech Industries to redevelop a six-square-block area between 33rd and 39th Streets. Oh, I understand the president and CEO of Future Tech Industries, Mr. Scheck, is about to make a statement.

Scheck (on TV)

(To the mayor) Thank you. I just want to say I'm delighted at the mayor's support of our renewal plan.

Gerald

Nice suit.

Random Citizen

Sh!

Mayor Dixie (on TV)

I am behind Mr. Scheck's project one hundred percent. (camera flashes)

Scheck (on TV)

Although some of you in the affected area may have concerns about how this plan will impact your homes and businesses, let me assure you; change is good. This plan represents the end of urban decay, the end of your broken-down shops and apartment buildings, the end of antiquated and dilapidated storefronts. It's time for a new world. Out with the old, in with the new.

Arnold

What's wrong with old things? Some old things are great.

Harold

Yeah, like Mrs. Vitello.

Mrs. Vitello

(hits Harold over the head with flowers) Whippersnapper.

Harold

Ow!

Mr. Green

This is goin' on for months. The city council recommended against it, but the mayor's lettin' him do it anyway. I never figured he could pull it off.

Gerald

What does it mean?

Mr. Green

It means they want us to sell out, move away so this Scheck character and his big corporation can move in.

Crowd

No!

Harold

No way!

Scheck (on TV)

It's time to put the past behind us.
I have seen the future, and it's Future Tech Industries.

Phoebe

But this is our neighborhood!

Rhonda

They can't just tear it down.

Eugene (singing)

This is our neighborhood
How can they tear it down
How can they turn our smile
Into a frown
We may be just a few
But if me and you and you
(Arnold switches off the stereo)

Arnold

No. No singing, Eugene.

Eugene

But I thought the occasion called for it.
(singing)
We may be just a few...

Arnold

No. This is serious.
(A truck carrying a bulldozer is speeding down the street)

Crowd

Oh, my...

Mr. Green

We can't take this lying down. We should do something!

Harold

Yeah, but what can we do?

Arnold

We can refuse to sell our houses.

Gerald

Well, I'll sign a petition!

Arnold

Yeah. Let everybody know this is our neighborhood and we're not giving it up without a fight!

Helga (watching from a roof)

Hah! Arnold! What an annoying little goody two-shoes. What a dopey little dreamer. What a corny little cornball. Always going around trying to get everyone to look on the bright side and do the right thing. How I despise him. And yet... I love him! I love him! I love his unerring sense of right and wrong. I love his unfailing insistence on the needs of the many over the needs of the few. But most of all I love the way his hair smells when I get real close behind him and he doesn't know I'm there, but then he turns and looks at me funny and I scowl at him and make an excuse for being so close, and then I insult him just to cover up the secret, adoring feelings for which I have so long and painfully harbored. Oh, Arnold!

Arnold

Mr. Green can write the petition.

Mr. Green

Say no more, Arnold. I'm already working on it.

Helga

If only I could find the guts to tell you. If only I weren't such a coward. If only I had your strength.

Arnold

We'll take it around the neighborhood and get everybody to sign it.

Helga

But what if you lose? What if the neighborhood is torn down, and you have to move away, and we are separated, and we never see each other again, and I never, ever seize the chance to tell you how I really feel about you? Oh, Arnold, how I love you.
(Brainy appears from a chimney, dressed up as a chimney sweep. Helga smacks him.)

Pataki residence

(Helga comes home)

Helga

Dad!
(To Miriam sleeping on a table)
How's it going, Miriam?

Miriam

Oh. Molasses, it's you.
(Helga hears voices and comes to see what's going on)

Big Bob

Okay, great, but where's the store go?

Nick Vermicelli

(Big Bob, Nick Vermicelli, and three other guys are seen gathered aroung a model of the neighborhood on a table)
Alright. Right here. Big Bob's Beeper Emporium. Big sign, can't miss it from the threeway, and the overpass drops you big-bang-boom right in the parkin' lot.

Big Bob

That's good. Yeah, right in the stinkin' lot.

Helga

Dad?

Big Bob

What do you want, Olga?

Helga

It's Helga, Dad.

Big Bob

Right, Helga. That's what I said.

Helga

Could I talk to you?

Nick Vermicelli

We gotta split anyway, Bob. We'll talk.

Big Bob

Right, we'll talk. And send me the paperwork. I can't wait to get started. Hey can I keep this pop-up thing? (He points at the model)

Nick Vermicelli

You got it.
(Nick and the other men leave the room)

Big Bob

Alright. (To Helga) You know what this is? It's our future. See, here's where my new Super Beeper Emporium is gonna go up, right after we rip down the flower shop, and Green Meats and the rest of the block.

Helga

Uh yeah, well, uh, about all that, Dad... I mean a lot of people are gonna have to move away and sell their businesses.

Big Bob

Yeah, what's your point?

Helga

Well, I was just wondering if this whole tear-down-the-neighborhood Future Tech thing is really necessary.

Big Bob

Of course, it's necessary. It's more than necessary. It's progress. You can't have progress without a little pain. No pain, no gain.

Helga

But what's wrong with leaving things the way they are?

Big Bob

I'll tell you what's wrong with it, missy. Leave things the way they are and Big Bob's Super Beeper Emporium doesn't happen.

Helga

But, Dad...

Big Bob

Hey-hey-hey-hey-hey! I'll say this once, and I want you to hear it, little lady. Change is good. When the new Big Bob's Super Beeper Emporium goes up, the cash is gonna roll in and you'll forget all about the old neighborhood. And do you know why? Because we'll be rich. And that means you'll be rich. You can have that pony you've been wantin'.

Helga

Dad, I wanted a pony when I was five.

Big Bob

Uh. Well, what do you want now?

Helga

I don't know.

Big Bob

Well, make up your mind, 'cause once this neighborhood goes down and my store goes up, you can have anything you want. And I mean anything.

Helga

(looks at fashion magazine) Anything?

Big Bob

That's what I said. We're gonna be stinkin' rich, girl. Rich. What's more important than that, huh?

Sunset Arms

(Arnold comes home, FTi truck passes by)

Arnold

Grandpa?

Grandpa

That's my name. Don't wear it out. (shark jaws fall down)

Arnold

Grandpa, I'm worried.

Grandpa

Oh, don't worry, Arnold. We won't sell the boarding house. We're behind you all the way. Right, Pookie?

Grandma (in cheerleader outfit)

Home team, home team, woo!

Arnold

But what if Scheck gets everyone else to sell?

Grandpa

Then I guess they'll bulldoze down the neighborhood, short man. Pookie and I will have to move to an old folks' home and who knows what'll happen to you. You'll probably be sent to a foster home in some Midwestern state like Manitoba or... wait, no, that's not a state, that's a province. Oh, no, Arnold! You'll be a Canadian!

Arnold

Grandpa, I'm serious.

Grandpa

I know, Arnold, but we're not cooked yet. Whatever happens, we'll all be OK, even if we have to become Canadians. You know, they have very good bacon there. Canadian. Bacon. This thing on? Come on, Arnold. Work with me.

Arnold

Goodnight, Grandpa. Goodnight, Grandma.

Grandma

Go, team!

In front of the boarding house

(The next morning. FTi helicopters and a group of workers install huge Scheckvision TV screen on a roof. A crowd is watching at it.)

Crowd

Awesome!

A worker

Release.
(The workers unroll a huge sheet with "SCHECKVISION MALL-PLEX — INFORMATION HEADQUARTERS" written on it, and hang it below the screen.)

Arnold

What's going on?

Stinky

You must be a sound sleeper, Arnold. They've been hammering on it all mornin'.

Sid

Look!
(On the Sheckvision screen it's written "30 DAYS UNTIL CONSTRUCTION BEGINS")

Stinky

Willikers!

Sid

It's so wicked awesome.

Arnold

You guys! It's not awesome. It's terrible! Read it. We've got thirty days left to save the neighborhood.

Stinky

Look, it's that Scheck feller.

Scheck (on the Scheckvision screen)

It's time for a new world. Out with the old, in with the new. I have seen the future and it's Future Tech Industries.

Stinky

He sure gives me the willies.

Gerald

But you gotta admit, he looks good in a suit.

Arnold (annoyed)

Gerald.

Gerald

I know, I know. I'm just saying.

Arnold

Come on!
(The boys run away)

Multishot sequence

(Arnold, and other citizens of the neighborhood are trying to organize protests against tearing down the neighborhood. Helga is not sympathetic to them. The days on the Scheckvision screen are cointing down.)

Monkeyman (after receiving a leaflet from Arnold)

Monkeyman!

Under the Scheckvision screen

(The Scheckvision screen shows: "6 DAYS UNTIL CONSTRUCTION BEGINS")

Jolly Olly Man

Yeah, six days to go, and then sayonara, suckers!

Arnold

Six days. Enough time to try maybe one last big... thing. But... but what?

Rhonda

How about a party? You always throw the most outré parties, Arnold.

Arnold

Yeah, a party. A block party. With music and food.

Rhonda

And finger sandwiches. Ooh!

Harold

Yeah, and food!

Arnold

We'll have a concert! The music will be so loud that we'd end up on the news. And then people will get excited about it, and the mayor will have to change her mind. And she'll stop the bulldozers.

Kids

Yeah!

Stinky

What do we call it?

Rhonda

How about the "Save the Neighborhood Debutante Ball".

Boys

Nah...

Gerald

Block Power, baby.

Stinky

Blockenanny.

Eugene

Block Till You Drop. (Falls down) Ow.

Gerald

It's a Block Thing. I would know.

Sid

A Block Party... Party?

Arnold

How about... Blockapalooza?

Kids

Yeah!

A street corner

(Arnold and Gerald are giving away passerbys leaflets with "SAVE THE NEIGHBORHOOD — BLOCKAPALOOZA !MUSIC - FOOD - FUN! This Saturday!" writtin on them.)

Arnold

Blockapalooza.

Gerald

This Saturday is the day.

Arnold

Blockapalooza!

Gerald

Don't forget to get your tickets while they're hot!

Nick Vermicelli (getting a leaflet)

"Save the neighborhood"? "Blockapalooza"? This we don't need. (Pulls out a cell phone and calls somebody.) Yeah it's me Nick. I think we got a problem.

Blockapalooza in front of the Sunset Arms

(Ernie Potts plays accordion; Oskar Kokoshka and Mailman Harvey play saxophone; Grandpa (wearing a rasta wig) is on drums; Mr Hyunh plays guitara; Suzie Kokoshka is a DJ; Grandma is tap dancing. Arnold and Gerald are at controls. They all play some kind of strange pokla rock music, and Grandpa smashes one of Suzie's records, annoyed by her DJ techniques. The crowd is cheering.)

Helga (watching from a roof)

Blockapalooza, hah! Please.

Reporter (for TV)

It's called Blockapalooza, a last-ditch effort to save a forgotten neighborhood from the wrecking ball. A classic story of the little guy pitted against the corporate giant.
(Nick Vermicelli and Big Bob are watching TV at Big Bob's house)

Big Bob

What the heck are they doing? They'll mess up the whole deal!

Nick Vermicelli

Forget about it. It's all taken care of.

Arnold (on TV)

You know what this is about. It's our last chance to stand up and tell Future Tech Industries that we won't sell. We won't let 'em tear down our neighborhood.
(The crowd on TV screen is cheering.)

Nick Vermicelli

One of our guys intercepted their permit, thereby making the whole assemblage illegal.
(Police cars suddenly appear at the party.)

S.P.A.T. officer

Go, go, go!
(The crowd is panicking. Police breaks up the party. People are running away.)

Gerald (to the officer)

Hey, what's going on?

Riot Cop

This whole assemblage is illegal.

Arnold

But we filed a permit!

Riot Cop

Never got any permit.
(Nick Vermicelli and Big Bob are laughing at the TV screen.)

Voice from FTi helicopters

Please disperse from this area at once!

Arnold

Grandma?

Grandma

Bring on your worst. We shall not be moved. (She chains herself to the door of the Sunset Arms.)

S.P.A.T. man

Come on. Nice and easy. (Grandma almost bites him.)

Grandpa

Hey! Stop, that's a frail old lady!

Grandma (while she and the door she's chained to are carried into the S.P.A.T. car)

Never give up Arnold. Never give in. Save the neighborhood. One if by land, two if by sea. Put the lime in the coconut. Mix it all up. (The car speeds away while she laughs.)

Mrs. Vitello

Well, that's it. This place belongs to Scheck now. They've got the cops on their side. I give up.

Mr. Green (almost crying)

Me too. I'm selling my place. Goodbye, old neighborhood. I'm gonna miss you.

Arnold

Selling? But...

Grandpa

Oh, I'll go try and get Grandma out of jail, short man. Then we'd better get packing.

Arnold

Packing? Grandpa, we can't give up. It's not over.

Grandpa

Noah. That Scheck character has us covered from every angle, short man.

Arnold

Wait! Where are you all going? Come back. Come back...

Scheck (on Scheckvision screen)

Out with the old, in with the new. I've seen the future. Change is good.

In Arcade

Arnold

Only two more days now.

Gerald

I know.

Arnold

There's gotta be some way to stop the bulldozers.

Gerald (while playing Runaway Bus)

Look Arnold, we tried. There's nothing more we can do. We just have to face it. In two days, this neighborhood is coming down and we'll all just have to move on.

Arnold

I just want to do something. Baby carriage, ten o'clock!

Gerald

I see it. Arnold, saving the neighborhood isn't a game. It's real life. And in real life, you can't always win. I mean, I can win Runaway Bus every time I play it but that's because it's a game.

Arnold

I guess.

Gerald

You did your best, buddy.

In a street

(While walking, Arnold finds Stinky and Sid sitting on pavement.)

Arnold

What are you guys doing?

Sid

Hey, Arnold.

Stinky

We were just looking at a piece of history.

Sid

It was four years ago, Stinky and me made these handprints in the cement.

Stinky

Yeah.

Arnold (reading)

"Sid and Stink." Sid and Stink?

Stinky

Well it only says "Stink" on account of just when I was fixing to write the Y to finish off my name, Sid's old man came mozing around the corner, and we had to hightail it.

Sid

I always thought that made it even cooler.

Stinky

Yeah. We always figured it'd be there forever, but after they tear down the neighborhood, I reckon nobody'll even remember.

Sid

Yeah.

In front of Green Meats store

Arnold

Hi, Mr. Green.

Mr. Green

Look Arnold (shows at the bricks of the store with "Dave 3, Marty 4, and Benji 6" written on them), that was me, four years old. My grandfather made the mark. He was so proud of me. He used to tell me, "Marty, one day, Green Meats is gonna be your shop." (We see flashback scenes of Marty's memories) And sure enough, my father took it over and then when he retired, he passed it on to me. That was the proudest day of my life. I always knew one day I'd pass the shop on to my own son. I guess now that's never gonna happen. (sniffs)

Arnold

Because they're gonna tear down the neighborhood?

Mr. Green

No. Because my son hates meat. He's one of these vegetarians. We haven't spoken in years. Still, I never thought I'd be the last Green to run Green Meats. Another couple of days, it's all gonna be just a pile of bricks. Excuse me, Arnold.
(Mr. Green walks back into his kitchen, sobbing)

Sunset Arms

Arnold (returns home)

Grandma?

Ernie (carrying his things downstairs)

She's still in jail.

Arnold

But I thought they were just gonna keep her for one night.

Ernie

She keeps trying to escape. Thinks it's a game. Fourth time they had to put her back.
(We see Grandma trying diffent ways to escape, only to be thwarted every time.)

Arnold

Hi, Mr. Hyunh. Have you seen Grandpa?

Mr. Hyunh

Oh, Arnold. We may never see each other again. (Runs away sobbing)

Oskar

Hey, Mr. Hyunh, can I help you clean out your refrigiterator?
(Arnold comes up to his room.)

Arnold

Grandpa, what are you doing?

Grandpa

Packing your stuff, short man.

Arnold

But, you haven't sold the house yet, have you?

Grandpa

Oh, it's only a matter of time now, Arnold. Everyone else has sold. Scheck owns the whole block now, except for us. I have to sell.

Arnold

I can't believe this is happening.

Grandpa

Me neither, short man. Heck, I was born in this house. My dad got it in the 1890s, over a hundred years ago. Won it in a card game from a man his dad had fought in the Tomato Incident.

Arnold

The Tomato Incident?

Grandpa

Oh, yes, the Tomato Incident. Now, that was a good story. (Opens a book. We see the historical scenes as Grandpa tells about the events.) See, the Yanks won territorial rights to this land after the Pig War. But until then, we still paid taxes to the British crown on all sorts of goods, including tobacco, meats and vegetables. The whole town was in a snit over a new tomato tax. The Brits were adding a nickel on every tomato. People were open arms spoiling for a fight.

Arnold

What happened?

Grandpa

The Tomato Incident, Arnold! My grandpa and his neighbors turned over a cart of British tomatoes on this very street. Soldiers were sent to arrest him by order of the colonial governor, Archibald Von Scheck.

Arnold

Von Scheck?

Grandpa

Hm, I wonder if he's any relation. Anyway, Von Scheck's men attacked the neighborhood, but the locals used guerrilla warfare. They made a barricade of upturned vegetable carts and fought back with whatever they had. They had lots of tomatoes. They were British tomatoes, which were small and hard and really hurt if you got hit with one.

Protester (in Grandpa's story; throwing tomatoes)

Let her rip.

Grandpa

That did it. The redcoats were in full, ignominious retreat. And that's why we eat American tomatoes, Arnold. Although I had one the other day that came from Chile. Very juicy.

Arnold

Grandpa, did that actually happen?

Grandpa

Of course it happened. I sliced it up and put it in a sandwich.

Arnold

No. Don't you see? This is our answer.

Grandpa

Yes! Yes, Arnold! Juicy tomatoes from Chile. Why didn't I think of that?

Arnold

No, the Tomato Incident. If that battle took place right in front of the boarding house, this whole neighborhood should be a national landmark.

Grandpa

Well, there probably was a document that declared this block a historic site once.

Arnold

Then maybe I can find it. We still got two days. I can show the document to the mayor, and she'd stop the bulldozers. They couldn't tear down these buildings ever! Mr. Green and Mrs. Vitello could keep their shops, and Sid and Stinky's handprints would stay on the sidewalk, and you, Grandma, and me, and all the boarders could keep living just like before. Nothing would change. Grandpa, don't sell the boarding house. I'm gonna track down that document and save the neighborhood.
(Helga is watching the scene through the skylight.)

Grandpa

You're a bold kid, Arnold. I'm with you all the way! But you better hurry before the bulldozers knock down the whole kit and kaboodle. (Helga goes down the fire escape)

Scheck (on Scheckvision screen)

Change is good. I've seen the future and the future is FTi.

Pataki residence

(Big Bob is looking at the model again.)

Big Bob

So, my Super Beeper Emporium is going right here where we're knocking down these old shops, right?

Nick Vermicelli

That's right, Bob.

Big Bob

And that's in the contract, right?

Nick Vermicelli

Absolutely.

Big Bob

And there's no funny business in it, right?

Nick Vermicelli

Hey, Bob, what am I, a rat fink? It's all on the up-and-up. Trust me. All you gotta do is sign. (He gives Big Bob the contract.)

Big Bob (signs the contract)

Big... Bob... Pataki!
(Helga is walking dowstairs and hears the men's voices.)

Nick Vermicelli

Beautiful, Bob. It's all settled. In two days from now my bulldozers are gonna tear down the old and make way for the new.

Big Bob

Then all we gotta do is sit back and watch the moolah roll in, eh.

Nick Vermicelli

You've got a way with words, Bob.

Big Bob

Hey-hey, can I keep the pen?
(Helga hurries to Arnold's shrine in the attic through the closet in her room.)

Helga

Oh, Arnold, another moral dilemma... Stick with Big Bob and get rich or dare to try to find some way to help you, my beloved, noble Arnold, for whom I have so long adored. If only I knew what to do. If only I had some kind of sign. (A dove poops on her.) Perfect.

In front of the Sunset Arms

(Arnold and Gerald walk out of the Sunset Arms.)

Gerald

OK, Arnold, you convinced me.

Arnold

Right. We are going to find that document, deliver it to the mayor, prove that the neighborhood is a legal national landmark and stop the bulldozers from knocking it down.

Gerald

Right. And we're gonna do it all in the next (looks at Scheckvision countdown clock) 46 hours and 19 minutes.

Arnold

Right.

Gerald

Should be plenty of time.
(They turn at the corner near Green Meats shop, and collide with Helga)

Helga

Arnold! I-I mean, watch where you're going, football head. Where is the fire?

Arnold

Sorry, Helga. We're just in a hurry. We've gotta find a government document that can save the neighborhood.

Helga

(laughs) Yeah, right. If you think you're gonna save the neighborhood you're even dopier than I thought. All the papers are signed, the ink's dry, and in two days, the bulldozers are gonna roll and this whole place is gonna be a parking lot. End of story. Any questions?

Arnold

Uh.. yeah. Do you think you could lend us bus fare?

Gerald

We're a little short, Helga.

Helga

It's like I'm living in Loser City. Oh well, since my dad's new Super Beeper Emporium is gonna be built on the ashes of your old lives, and I'm gonna get rich off the whole deal, I guess the least I can do is give you change for the bus.

Arnold and Gerald

Thanks. (They rush to the bus)

Helga

Good luck. You're gonna need it, losers. (laughs)

In the bus

Gerald

There is one thing you forgot to tell me: where are we going?

Arnold

To the one person that can help us to find that document: Mr. Bailey.

Gerald

You mean that guy at the Federal Office of Information?

Arnold

Right. I know he can help us.

Office of Information

Mr. Bailey

I can't help you. C-A-N, apostrophe, T. Can't.

Arnold

But, Mr. Bailey, this is important.

Mr Bailey

I'm sure it is, but so is my job. Look at all this work I got piled up. I don't have time to run a check on some "tomato document" that was probably lost fifty years ago. Now please, leave me alone. I don't know how you got in here anyway.

Arnold

But Mr. Bailey, if we don't find that document, everything's gonna be torn down: Mr. Green's butcher shop, Mrs. Vitello's flower shop...

Gerald

The video store, the arcade.

Mr. Bailey

Look, how many ways do I gotta say it? I can't help you.

Arnold

Bowling alley. Slausen's Ice Cream.

Mr Bailey

Please, I don't wanna lose my patience with you.

Arnold (seeing a box of donuts)

Dolly's Donuts.

Gerald

Dolly's Donuts?

Arnold

Yeah, you know. (Winks to Gerald) That great donut shop. Dolly's Donuts.

Mr Bailey

What'd you say?

Arnold

Oh, we were just saying what a shame it is that the bulldozers are gonna tear down Dolly's Donuts.

Gerald

Yeah. Dolly's Donuts. Two days from now, they're history. No more Dolly's Donuts, Mr. Bailey.

Mr. Bailey

But I love those donuts. Nobody makes a cruller like Dolly. I've been going to Dolly's every day for thirty years. I don't think I can through a morning without 'em. How can they tear down an institution like Dolly's? That's just... savage!

Arnold

I know. But, hey, what can you do?

Gerald

Right. See you, Mr. Bailey.

Mr. Bailey

Wait a minute. Where you think are you going? You wanna save your neighborhood, don't you? Well come on, then. We've got a document to find.
(Mr. Bailey is working at computers for hours, Arnold and Gerald are feeding him with donuts.)

Mr. Bailey

This is it. As soon as the computer stops, it'll spit out a card which will tell us everything the system knows about where your tomato document is.

Arnold (reading the print-out)

"The location of your document is... unknown."

Mr. Bailey

I'm sorry, boys.

Arnold

It's all right, Mr. Bailey. Thanks for your help.

Gerald

You did your best.
(as they walk away from Mr. Bailey's office) Well, what we are gonna do now?

Mr. Bailey

Boys, it's probably not worth mentioning, but I know a guy, the city coroner... He's kind of, well, a nut. But he's a well-known history buff and he keeps all kinds of crazy records on old historical papers. Maybe he could help you find that document.

Arnold

Where can we find him?

City Morgue

(Lightning flashes as a thunderclap pierces the air, it is stormy outside the coroner's house. Arnold is ringing the doorbell.)

Gerald

You know, Arnold, they look like they're closed. Let's come back later.

Arnold

We don't have time, Gerald. Come on.

Gerald

You first.
(The boys come in and walking down the halls of the morgue.)

Arnold

Hello? Hello? Hello?
(They end up in the cold room. The coroner who slept there scares them.)

Coroner

Hello! I was just taking a nap. Did I scare you? I scare most people. Not intentionally, you understand. Just the nature of the job. Anyhoo, what can I do for you?
(The scene cuts to sometime later)

Coroner

The Tomato Incident of which you speak did indeed happen. In fact, it was a major historical turning point in the birth of the country.

Arnold

What about the document?

Coroner

Well! There was, as I recall, a document stating that your neighborhood was officially declared a national landmark. Not an especially well-known document, but official nonetheless. And I just may have a file on it. I keep my historical records in here. (He opens a drawer but finds a dead body in it.) Oops, wrong drawer. (Gerald faints.) Aha! (Opens another drawer.) Here we go. Tomato Incident... Tomato Incident, Tomato Incident, Tomato, Tomato, Tomato. Tomato Incident! Here it is. According to my records, there was a document detailing the official status of your neighborhood as a national landmark.

Gerald

What happened to it?

Coroner

Let's see. It was contained in a collection of local historical papers which were sold at auction five years ago to a private corporation. There's no record of a name, but there is an address. 66613 Riverside Highway. It's out on the peninsula.

In the bus

Arnold

You're going out to the peninsula, right?

Murray

Don't talk to the driver while the bus is in motion.

Gerald

But the bus isn't in motion.

Murray (starts the bus)

Now it is. Get behind the yellow line.
(Arnold and Gerald sit at the empty places. The bus goes out of the city.)

Arnold (counting the houses)

66590, 66600. We're close, Gerald.
(Arnold and Gerald get off the bus.)

Murray

Future Tech Industries. (The bus goes away.)

Gerald

Future Tech Industries!?

Arnold

They've got the document?

Gerald

Hm, hm, hm. The document that could save the neighborhood is in the hands of the Future Tech? Now what, Arnold?

Arnold

I guess we go and talk to Mr. Scheck.

In the FTi Builing

Head of Security

You can't talk to Mr. Scheck.

Gerald

Bu-

Head of Security

He can't be seen without an appointment.

Arnold

Then we'll make an appointment.

Head of Security

Mr. Scheck doesn't make appointments.

Gerald

All righty, then. You have a nice day.

Arnold

Right. Goodbye.
(Instead of walking out of the building, Arnold and Gerald sneak into a door, and run through the empty halls.)

Arnold

Gerald, there's cameras everywhere.

Gerald

And I think they're watching us.

Arnold (as they find a security room with several plenty of displays showing the halls.)

Man, this is creepy. Let's get away from here.

Scheck (in his office)

Security?

Head of Security (through intercom)

Yes, Mr. Scheck?

Scheck (through intercom)

There are two young boys in the hallway, forty feet from your security desk.

Head of Security (through intercom)

What? Sir, I...

Scheck

Apprehend them. And bring them to my office.
(Singing) Life is just a bowl of cherries.
(The guard brings the boys into Scheck's office.)

Head of Security

Sir, we found these boys wandering the halls unescorted.

Scheck

Unescorted?

Head of Security

Yes, sir.

Scheck

Without security clearance?

Head of Security

That's right, sir.

Scheck

This is serious, isn't it?

Head of Security

Yes, sir.

Scheck

We can't have young boys wandering the halls of Future Tech Industries unescorted without security clearance, now, can we?

Head of Security

No, sir.

Scheck

No, sir. No, sir. And these small boys just snuck past security and wandered about the building unescorted. Is that about the size of it?

Head of Security

Yes, sir.

Scheck

Yes, sir. But now, who's responsible for that?

Head of Security

Sir?

Scheck

You're the head of the security, aren't you?

Head of Security

Sir, yes, sir.

Scheck

"Sir. Sir. Yes, sir. Sir." Is that all you can say?

Head of Security

No, sir. I mean, yes, sir. Sir!

Scheck

There he goes again. I'll tell you what. Why don't you just go now. Go back to your duties as head of security. Who knows how many other boys are out there wandering the halls of Future Tech Industries unescorted while you stand here like a big, dumb stiff repeating "Sir, yes, sir. Sir."

Head of Security

Yes, sir! (Runs away.)

Scheck

What are you gonna do with a character like that? He's like a wind-up doll. "Yes, sir. Sir, yes, sir. Sir. Sir." I'll tell you, it's hard to get good help nowadays. (chuckles) It must be upsetting to be apprehended and dragged unceremoniously into my office like this, but I can't have young boys wandering the halls of my company unescorted. You understand, hm? My name is Scheck. And who might you be?

Arnold

I'm Arnold and this is my friend Gerald. We live in the neighborhood you want to tear down.

Scheck

That I'm going to tear down.

Arnold

But we heard there was a government document that says the whole neighborhood is a national landmark and can never be torn down by anybody.

Scheck

Really? I've heard about that document too. In fact, I had my people look to it. And you know what they found? The document doesn't exist. The whole thing's just a rumor, bogus. I promise you if there were such a document, I would never go through with my plan.

Arnold

But the document must exist. It was part of a collection of local historical papers.

Scheck

Look, my young friend, as much as I admire your thoroughness and direct approach, the fact remains: I don't have the document, you don't have the document. So the neighborhood's coming down. Any questions?

Gerald

What if we tell you that we don't buy your story?

Scheck

Hm. Security.

In front of the FTi Buiding

( Arnold and Gerald are thrown away from the building. The same bus stops near the boys)

Arnold

That went well.

Gerald

That Scheck is not a good man. But he's a natty, natty dresser.
(The boys get onto the bus.)

Pataki residence

(While Big Bob is playing with the model of the neighborhood, Nick Vermicelli receives a phone call)

Nick Vermicelli

Yeah, what's wrong?

Scheck (in his office, viewing the security cameras of the boys running thorgh the halls earlier)

Nick, I just had an interesting conversation with two young boys: one had a weird stack of hair, the other was a football-headed kid.

Nick Vermicelli

A football-headed kid, huh? Hey Bob, you know anything about a football-headed kid?

Big Bob

(not paying attention) Uhm? Nah. (continues toying around with the model neighborhood)

Nick Vermicelli

I don't know nothing about no football-headed kid, boss.

Scheck

Are you sure? Because there was one nosing around here just few minutes ago asking about that document. You know the one I'm talking about.

Nick Vermicelli

You mean the document that could mess up our whole operation? But it's locked in the records room. Nobody has a key for itexcept you and me. I promise you Mr. Scheck, I haven't seen a kid like that around, but I will definitely keep my eyes open.
(Helga hears what he's saying.)

Sunset Arms

(It's late evening already, Arnold and Gerald are in their PJs.)

Arnold

I'm not ready to give up yet.

Gerald

Look, Arnold. Sooner or later you're gonna have to face the facts: There's nothing we can do about Scheck's plan.

Arnold

There's gotta be something.

Gerald

Arnold, it would take some kind of miracle--
(The phone rings.)

Arnold (picking up the receiver)

Hello?

Deep Voice (through the phone)

The document you're looking for exists. They're hiding it from you.

Arnold

What? Who is this?

Deep Voice

Call me... Deep Voice.

Arnold

Who are you?

Deep Voice

I can't give you that information, but I can tell you that Scheck is up to no good. The only thing that can stop him is the document you're looking for.
(We see a cloaked figure in a trenchcoat and hat in front of the Sunset Arms)

Arnold

How do you know about the document?

Deep Voice

Let's just say I know.

Arnold

Where is the document?

Deep Voice

It's hidden in FTi in a locked safe deposit box. Nick Vermicelli has the key.

Arnold

Nick Vermicelli? But how do we...?

Deep Voice

Follow Nick and you'll find the key. I'll be in touch. (Hangs up and walks off.)

Arnold

But wait! Who are you?

Gerald

That is too freaky. I'm sorry I ever doubted you. I'm in, man. What's the plan?

Arnold

The plan is we find Nick Vermicelli.

Gerald

Right.

Arnold: Then we spy on him, following him everywhere until we find out where he's hiding the key to the safe deposit box.

Gerald

Right.

Arnold

Then, we steal the key, go to FTi, sneak in, and get the document out of safe deposite box.

Gerald

R-Right.

Arnold

Then, we evade the security guards, and if we make that far, all we have to do is head up town, find the mayor, and deliver the document, so she can declare the neighborhood a national landmark and stop the bulldozers.

Gerald

Arnold, that's a long plan.

Arnold

I know. But we gotta do it if we're gonna save the neighborhood. And we're gonna need some special equipment.

Gerald

Well this may sound kinda crazy, Arnold, but I've heard of this girl, Bridget, who lives across town, kind of a... equipment specialist.

At piers

(Next morning)

Arnold

Are you sure this is the right place?

Gerald

It's the address Fuzzy Slippers gave me.

Arnold

How do you know she'll help us?

Gerald

Because that's what Bridget does Arnold, she helps people. I mean, that's how the legend goes.
(The boys come to a door.)

Arnold

Maybe she's not home.

Gerald (points out at a red button with "DO NOT TOUCH! THIS MEANS YOU!" written on it)

What's this button?

Arnold

I do not know if you should touch that.

Gerald

Well, come on, what could happen? (Presses the button)
(The boys are grabbed into a net and are lifted to a window above them. The window shutters open, and in the frame stands Bridget.)

Bridget

Okay, which one of you touched my button?

Arnold and Gerald (pointing at each other)

Me.

Inside Bridget's base

Bridget

Well, if you're gonna try and save the neighborhood, you're gonna need some equipment. Top of the line, state of the art. Mini condenser microphone for the ultimate concealed surveillance. Headphones and micro-radar tracking dish. 400:1 zoom lens binoculars with infrared capability for night vision. High tension, plastic wire, anodized steel pulleys and nylon straps for maneuvering in vertically-challenging situations. A two-way secure walkie-talkie for maintaining communication. And a synchronized, programmable, glow-in-the-dark watch set to Greenwich time and accurate within 1/10,000th of a second. And it all fits into this really cool AS-47 Junior Secret Agent utility belt.

Arnold

Uh... How much does this all will cost?

Bridget

Well, since it's for auch a good cause, it's on the house. I figure it's my contribution.

Arnold

Great. We'll take two of them.

Gerald

Do the belts come in other colors?

Bridget

Black, or pink.

Gerald

We'll take black.

Arnold

What about this? (He presses a batton on a yellow box and it transforms into a tiny car.)

Gerald

Arnold, what are we gonna need a remote-control car for?

Arnold

You never know.

Gerald

Whatever you say, Arnold.
(Arnold and Gerald dress into stylish black suits.)

Bridget

Alright. The neighborhood is counting on you. Good luck, boys. (She kisses Gerald on the cheek and he faints.)

Arnold

Gerald?

In a street

(Arnold and Gerald are walking down the street, and they look cool.)
(Helga get off the bus and collides with Arnold and Gerald.)

Gerald

Helga?

Arnold

What are you doing here?

Helga

I was walking, until you knocked me down, football head.

Arnold

Sorry, Helga. We were just...

Helga

Yeah, yeah, just out playing your dumb secret agent game. Aren't you a little old for that? Yeesh!

Gerald

Come on Arnold. We got things to do.

Helga

Ha. What, some new plan to save the neighborhood?

Arnold and Gerald (getting on the bus)

That's right.

Arnold

Let's roll.

Helga

Try taking off those lame shades so you can see where you're walking next time. Good luck, Hardy Boys. You're gonna need it. (Laughs) Oh, my brave little football-headed hero on yet another absurd quest, this time to save the only home you've ever known, armed with nothing but your best friend and your sporty utility belt. Godspeed, my steed, my only, my love. (Smacks Brainy who was hiding in sewer manhole.)

In the bus

Arnold

This is the place, Gerald. (They see Nick Vermicelli going out of his house. Arnold and Gerald run to the bus driver.) Uhm, Mr. driver, could you open the door? We need to get out really bad.

Gerald

We gotta follow that guy. He's got a key.

Murray

The bus stops at the corner of 43rd.
(Arnold and Gerald break away through the doors.)

Murray

Hey! Juvenile delinquents.

In a street

(Arnold and Gerald are following Nick Vermicelli. He comes into a door with a sign "NO ONE UNDER 21" on it.)

Gerald

Arnold, we're way under 21.

Arnold

Maybe we can get in around back.

In a restaurant

Ray Doppel (singing)

Ain't this a great old block
Don't you wish we could roll back the clock
Oh, the windows we busted
The hubcaps we stole
The apples we boosted
The bums that we rolled
The fun that we had violating parole
Ain't this a great old block, Doc
(Arnold and Gerald dressed as waiters with fake moustaches steal into the restaurant, and hider under a table. They use Bridget's microphone to listen to what Nick Vermicelli and his female companion are saying.)

Gerald

Got it.

Arnold

What are they saying?

Red

So, is the... key safe?

Nick Vermicelli

'Course it's safe. I got it right here.

Red

Well, that's good. We wouldn't want it to fall into the... wrong hands.

Gerald (whispers to Arnold)

A key! They're talking about a key.

Arnold

Maybe it's the key Deep Voice was talking about.

Nick Vermicelli (Gerald is trying to adjust the microphone, and Nick's voice is hears through the restaurant loud speakers)

Don't worry about the key.
(The clients of the restaurant are confused.)

Client

What key?

Nick Vermicelli

What the heck's goin' on?

Arnold

What happened? Did I do that?

Nick Vermicelli

Hey, who's doing that?

Ray Doppel (checking his microphone)

This thing on? Sorry about that, folks. Hit it, Tony. (Tony the pianist starts to play.)

Nick Vermicelli

Hey, get a busboy over here. Clean up this mess and get us a couple more drinks. Yo, busboys! (He shouts to dressed up Arnold and Gerald, they are forced to come to his table.) What are you, deaf? I said clean up this mess or I'll make you wear it.

Arnold (whispering to Gerald while they are wiping Vermicelli's table)

Look. The key. It's around his neck.

Nick Vermicelli

And get us two more Bartletts pronto. No ice this time. And no lipstick. (He notices that one of Arnold's moustaches unstuck)

Gerald (in "grown-up" voice)

We'll get those for you right away, sir.

Arnold

Right away.
(Arnold and Gerald hurry to leave the restaurant.)

Nick Vermicelli

Football-headed kid!

Roof of the Sunset Arms

Grandpa

Alright, you clowns. Here's the deal. The boys are off risking their life with some crazy plan to get a rare historic document from the hands of that Scheck character and they don't stand a chance. We've got to think of a back-up scheme that'll bail us out when their crazy, lamebrained plan fizzles. So come on. Think of a plan. It's got to be smart, logical and feasible.

Oskar

Maybe we could paint the house with vanishing cream. Then it would be invisible.

Ernie

That, is the stupidest idea I ever heard. What if it rains? Ding-dong. You ever think about that, Kokoshka? It'll wash the vanishing cream off, and then everyone will see us.

Oskar

Oh, boo, you're right.

Ernie

What we gotta do is build a dummy neighborhood one block over. That'll pull the wool over their eyes.

Mr. Hyunh

You're the dummy, Ernie. That will never work!

Ernie

Oh, yeah? I don't see you comin' up with anything, Mr. Genius. Why you won't dig it a little deeper into the caverns of your puny mind, egg head.

Grandpa

Digging? Caverns? Hey, wait a minute. That reminds me! The secret tunnels!

Oskar

What secret tunnels?

In the secret tunnels

Ernie (exclaims)

Marone! (His words are echoed)

Grandpa

Heh, heh. Pretty impressive, eh? A network of tunnels that honeycomb the entire block and possibly lead to the rest of the neighborhood.

Mr. Hyunh

I hate it! It's dark, and it smells. It's very creepy.

Oskar

Yeah, let's go back, Grandpa.

Grandpa

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Listen. One of these tunnels goes under the street from our house to the one across from us. If we wire it with explosives, we'll blow a hole in the street that the bulldozers can't cross.

Ernie

Yeah? Just one little detail, Gramps: Where you gonna get the explosives?

Grandpa

From you, of course. Just go down to your job site and lift a couple hundred pounds of explosives when no one's lookin'. Huh? Huh!?

Ernie

That's the craziest thing I ever heard, especially considering I got twice that much stashed under my bed. (The rest look at him incredulously) What? Hey, we all got our little peccadilloes.

In the police station

(Grandma makes a Shawshenk-style tunnel from her cell.)

In a street

(Deep Voice is standing on a roof, watching Nick Vermicelli return to his house. Arnold and Gerald have traced him down as well. They are on the roof of his house.)

Gerald (looking at Nick Vermicelli through the skylight)

Finally.

Arnold

Let's just hope he's ready for bed. He should be. It's midnight. As soon as he's asleep, we can get the key off of him.
(After some time...)

Gerald

As soon as he falls asleep, huh? What if he keeps watching TV for hours?

Arnold

Maybe there's nothing good on.
(Nick Vermicelli's phone rings)

Arnold

Someone's calling him. Quick! (Pulls out Bridget's microphone)

Gerald

Oh no. Last time we nearly got killed using that thing.

Arnold

Come on, Gerald. We gotta find out who's calling him. It might be a clue.

Gerald

A-ah. All right. (Inserts an ear-phone into his ear.) Hm! It's Big Bob.

Nick Vermicelli

Yeah, Bob. Yes, you're a full partner, didn't I get throught telling you that? What are you calling mefor? Go to bed. What about your contract? You got a problem with the contract, Bob? Oh for heaven... Quit reading that thing and get some rest. (Hangs up) Stinkin' pain in the...

Pataki residence

Big Bob (angrily hangs up the phone)

What a no-good little runt! Let's see... (looks through the contract with a magnifying glass) "Party of the first part, party of the second part..." Yada, yada, yada, yada.
Hey, wait a minute...
(takes a closer look at the contract)
What the heck?!

Nick Vermicelli's house

Arnold (looking at Nick Vermicelli through high-tech binoculars)

I think he's finally asleep, Gerald. (Notices that Gerald fell asleep.) Gerald. Gerald. (Shakes him.)

Gerald (disoriented after waking up)

Give me that key! (Realizing where he is.) I was just resting my eye.

Arnold

Come on, it's time to go in. (Pulls out a rope)

Gerald

Wait a minute. You're not gonna hang from that, are you?

Arnold

Not unless you want to.

Gerald

I don't think it's my size.
(After some time. Arnold hangs on the rope, Gerald lowers him into Nick Vermicelli's room.)

Nick Vermicelli (mumbling while he's asleep)

No problem. I'll fix it.
(Arnold draws his hand closer to the key hanging on Nick Vermicelli's neck.)

Gerald

Come on. Almost there. You can do it, buddy.

Nick Vermicelli (talking in his sleep)

What is that? Who's going?
(A droplet of Arnold's sweat falls onto Nick Vermicelli's face. Nick Vermicelli slightly opens his eyes and sees unclear Arnold's face.)

Nick Vermicelli

Ah, it's an angel. (Falls asleep again.)
(Arnold pulls the key off Nick Vermicelli's neck. Gerald pulls his up to the roof. They run away to the street. A street phone rings. Gerald picks up.)

Gerald

Hello?

Deep Voice (on the phone)

Good job getting the key.

Arnold

Wait. Deep Voice. Where are you?

Deep Voice (on the phone)

Don't worry about that. I'm watching all your movements.
(We see the figure of the Deep Voice stanging on the other side of the street.)

Deep Voice (into the phone)

I'm everywhere and I'm nowhere, but mostly I'm... everywhere.

Gerald

Come on, Deep Voice, cut the voodoo dolly mumbo jumbo, okay?

Arnold

Yeah, why do you have to be so mysterious?

Deep Voice (on the phone)

You two seem confused about who's calling the shots here. I am. Without me, you'll never get the document, you'll never save your neighborhood. You've got to get into Scheck's office. His safe deposit boxes are in a room behind his desk.

Arnold

We have to get back into his office?

Deep Voice

Right. Only this time, don't get caught. You've got to find a way to distract security away from the main entrance. Now, it's exactly two A.M. The bulldozers roll at seven. What are you waiting for? (Hangs up.)

Gerald

Man, that Deep Voice is a pain in the... (He's cut by a bus passing by with its brakes hissing.)

Arnold

Come on. (The boys run to the bus.)

Gerald (to the bus driver)

Hi, it's us. How you been?

Murray

Oh, so it's the two juvenile delinquents who busted my door. Think you can make up your own rules, come and go as you please, huh? Couple of renaissance men.
(The boys get onto the bus.)

Arnold

Sorry about that.

Gerald

But we're kinda in a hurry... (Sees the sign "YOUR DRIVER'S NAME IS MURRAY") Murray.

Murray

Don't talk to the driver while the vehicle's in motion. (Something falls on him from above.) Ugh. The stinkin' bus is fallin' apart.

Arnold

I know we're not supposed to talk to you while the bus is in motion, but do you think you could drive a little faster?

Murray

I drive twenty-five miles an hour, no exceptions, no discussion.

Gerald

I wonder what bee got in his boxers.

Murray

Hey, you'd have a bee in your boxers too if you were in my moccasins. My girlfriend left me two weeks ago. Her name is Mona.

Gerald

Mona?

Murray She said she wanted a whole man.

Gerald

"A whole man?" What's that mean?

Murray (shows his prosthetic leg)

I lost the real one in the war. Sure, she thought it was cool at first. And then, in walks Johnny Come Lately and I'm out the doggie door. You meet a girl. You think it's forever, and then the whole thing goes kablooey. She broke my heart, and even though I still love her, I made up my mind that from now on, I ain't gonna care about nothin' or stick my neck out for nobody. I'm only lookin' out for number one.

Gerald

Well, that was an inspiring story. (whispering to Arnold) Arnold, are you sure there isn't another bus we can take to FTi?

Police Station

(Grandma finally escapes through the sewer.)

FTi Building

(Gerald points out at security cameras.)

Gerald

Those cameras detect any motion. If we even move, they'll see us.
(Arnold pulls out the remote-control car.)

Gerald

Arnold, this is no time for playing with a toy car.

Arnold

I'm not playing, Gerald.
(The car speeds down the hall, and camera turns to watch it.)

Head of Security (seeing something on the screen)

What was that?

Guard

Come on, let's check it out.
(Two guards run away)

Arnold

We can get to Scheck's office this way. Come on.
(The boys get into Scheck's office)

Arnold

Deep Voice said to look in the room behind his desk.
(Gerald pulls a book from a shelf, and it opens a secret door.)

Gerald

What are you waiting for?
(The boys see a huge number of safe deposite boxes. They sigh.)

Gerald

Well, we'd better get started.

Secret tunnels

(The men move TNT boxes from above into the tunnels.)

Ernie

That's the last of it, Gramps.

Grandpa

Now all we have to do is run this wire up to the street and wait for the bulldozers to come. Then, we blow a huge hole, and they fall right in.

Oskar

Sounds great, Grandpa. Now let's get out of here.

Mr Hyunh

Yes! It is still very creepy.

Nick Vermicelli's house

(Somebody bangs the door. Vermicelli wakes up, and opens to the door. It's Big Bob and he is furious)

Big Bob

WAKE UP, YOU WEASEL!!! I'VE JUST READ THE FINE PRINT! SO IT'S GONNA BE SCHECK'S BEEPER EMPORIUM, IS IT?! YOU WERE TRYIN' TO DOUBLE-CROSS ME!

Nick Vermicelli

I don't know what are you talkin' about, Bob.

Big Bob

I READ THE CONTRACT, PALLY! I GET A NEW BEEPER EMPORIUM, BUT SCHECK GETS 51% OF MY COMPANY!

Nick Vermicelli

Okay-okay, so it's true, but you signed a contract, so there's nothing you can do about it. The ink's dry.

Big Bob

YOU WERE IN ON IT THE WHOLE TIME! YOU KNEW HE WAS GONNA SHAFT ME!

Nick Vermicelli

Yeah, so what if I did? It's a free country.

Big Bob

REALLY? WELL, THEN IF IT'S A FREE COUNTRY, I GUESS I'M FREE TO BEAT THE LIVIN' SNOT OUTTA YA!

Nick Vermicelli

Now, Bob, don't get crazy!

Big Bob

TOO LATE!
(They fight. Once they get in the kitchen, Nick splashes pickle juice on Bob, and he rips off his shirt, now looking and acting like the Incredible Hulk. Nick knocks out the Hulk-esque figure with the refrigerator door. After that, Big Bob is passed out and Nick Vermicelli finally notices that the key is gone.)

Nick Vermicelli

The key. What happened? Oh, no. That dream I had, that angel... That wasn't no angel. It was that football-headed kid! It was really happening! He must've stole the stinkin' key! (Phones to Scheck) Yeah, Mr. Scheck, it's me, Nick. Listen, I got bad news. I think I lost the key. Yeah, the key. I think that football-headed kid took it. I don't know, I was asleep. I think he snuck in and stole it. Yeah, I know. I'm stupid, stupid.

FTi Building

(The boys are checking the boxes.)

Gerald (tiredly)

997.

Arnold

A'ah.

Gerald

998.

Arnold

Nope.

Gerald

999.
(The key finally matches the box. Arnold opens it.)

Arnold and Gerald

Empty?

Arnold

Where's the document?

Scheck (from behind their backs)

Looking for something? (Arnold and Gerald are startled) Well, here you are, back again. After I patiently explained that your mission is completely hopeless, it still is. Though I'm less inclined to entertain you after you broke into my building for the second time. Did you think you could get away with this? There are cameras everywhere. I record everything that goes on, day and night. Did you think I'd let you win, let you save your little neighborhood? Don't you realize who I am? I am Alphonse Perrier Du Von Scheck. (Scheck turns on the light revealing historical art) I can trace my ancestry back to the founding fathers. (Scheck angrily turns to a framed painting) You know when we lost control of this city? When that ridiculous Tomato Incident took place in your pathetic little neighborhood. (Scheck takes the painting from the wall, breaks it in half, and flings to the floor) Tearing it down and putting my name upon its place will be revenge of the sweetest kind. (Grins evilly)

Arnold

But the document. Where's the document?

Scheck (laughs evilly, reaches into his jacket, and pulls out the document and a lighter)

Unfortunately, like your little plan, it's about to go up in smoke.(With an evil smirk, Scheck burns the document in front of Arnold and Gerald. The burnt pieces fall at the boys' feet.) My guards will now lock you away where you won't cause anymore trouble.
(The guards are ready to take the boys away. Gerald sees a couple of sheathed sabres on the wall.)

Gerald

Arnold! (He throws one sabre to Arnold. The boys use the sabres to repulse the guards)

Gerald

Run! (They run from the secret room past Mr Scheck)

Scheck (to the guards)

Oh, get them, for heaven's sake.

Guards

They went thataway. Come on.
(The boys are running through the labyrinths of halls.)

Guards

There they are!

Gerald

Arnold, I'll lose the guys on the stairway. You head for the garage. See if you can find a way out. Call me on the walkie. Go!
(They split. Arnold runs to the parking. The phone on the wall is ringing and Arnold picks up.)

Arnold

Hello?

Deep Voice (on the phone)

Arnold, what happened?

Arnold

Man, where are you?

Deep Voice (on the phone)

Never mind that. Where's the document?

Arnold

He burned it. Scheck burned it.

Deep Voice (on the phone)

Burned it?

Arnold

Yeah, right in front of us. He laughed at us. He said we never had a chance. He's gonna win, Deep Voice.

Deep Voice (on the phone)

Don't give up, Arnold.

Arnold (sighs)

Why not? It's over.

Deep Voice (on the phone)

It's not over. There must be something. Aren't there any other copies?

Arnold

No. He wouldn't make a copy. Wait a minute. There were video cameras all over the place.

Deep Voice (on the phone)

Video cameras?

Arnold

Yeah, the video cameras record everything that goes on in Scheck's building. All the time. Scheck said so himself.

Deep Voice (on the phone)

Then the document must be on a videotape the moment that he burned it. Arnold, if you can get to the room where the video recorders are, you can find the tape and catch him in the act of burning the document.

Arnold

Yeah, and then we can show the tape to the police and it'll be as good as the document itself. We can win, Deep Voice. We can save the neighborhood. (Arnold hangs up, and runs.)

Someone's bathroom

(Grandma gets out of Harvey's lavatory, scaring Harvey while he sits in the bath.)

FTi Building

(Arnold gets into the room with security cameras displays, and disables the video camera in it. He finds a recording of Scheck burning the document.)

Guards (running past the room Arnold is in.)

Down here.

Scheck (in his office notices that he does not get signal from one of the cameras.)

What the--?
(He adjusts the camera and sees Arnold in the room. Enraged, he presses a button that sounds an alarm.)

Computer woman's voice (throughout the whole building)

Warning: Intruder, level five.
Warning: Intruder, level five.
(Arnold runs away from the room he was in upstairs.)

Arnold (through walkie-talkie)

Gerald, Gerald, I got it!

Gerald (on the ground near the FTi building)

You got it? I thought he burned it.

Arnold

He did. And I got the whole thing on videotape. We can show it to the police. It's just as good, maybe better!

Gerald

Arnold, I am moved by your greatness. You've gotta get out of there!

Arnold

I'm gotta have to wait till the guards are gone.

Gerald

Okay, I'm on the street outside the building. I'll get us a cab and meet you in front in two minutes.

Arnold

We've got twenty-four minutes to get across town before the bulldozers roll. We can make it. See you in two, Gerald.
(Arnold runs. The phone on the wall rings, and he picks up.)

Deep Voice (on the phone)

Don't go out in the hall yet. It's swarming with guards.

Arnold

Wait, how do you know I'm here? Where are you?

Deep Voice (on the phone)

Don't worry about me. The point is you've got the evidence you need to save the neighborhood. Now we've got to get you safely out of the building. (Arnold notices the figure of the Deep Voice, and comes closer to it.) If you're caught now, all is lost.

Arnold (looking at the cloaked figure)

Huh, Deep Voice. Tell me how I can get out of here? (Drops the phone receiver and comes to the figure of the Deep Voice.)

Deep Voice (into the phone)

Okay Arnold, listen. You've got to wait until the guards have gone to the other side of the building. I have a plan to distract them, but it'll only buy you a few minutes. They're covering the elevators and the stairs. So...

Arnold (stepping on to the roof)

Deep Voice!

(lightning flashes)

Deep Voice (hiding the face)

Don't come another step closer. Pay no attention to that man with the voice box.

Arnold

Who are you?

Deep Voice (we can see a bit of pink clothes underneath the trenchcoat))

Uh... No one in particular.

Arnold (approching while Deep Voice is moves back to the edge of the roof)

No more games, Deep Voice. I'm not doing anything until I know who you are.
(A stilt breaks, Deep Voice stumbles and falls on to the ground. We see it was only Helga in disguise.)

Arnold

Helga?! You? You're Deep Voice?

Helga (still in voice box)

Heh-heh. Looks (normal voice) ...like it.

Arnold

But I don't get it. How come... How come you couldn't just tell me what you knew? Why'd you have to make up all this crazy secret identity?

Helga (nervously)

No reason.

Arnold

But Helga, you just risked everything to help me save the neighborhood.

Helga

So? What's your point?

Arnold

That's a pretty amazing thing to do for someone you claim to hate.

Helga

Yeah, well, I'm a pretty amazing person, football head.

Arnold

But, I thought you were on your dad's side. I thought you were gonna get rich off the whole deal.

Helga

Money isn't everything.

Arnold

Helga, why'd you do it?

Helga (nervously)

It's my civic duty.

Arnold

Helga.

Helga

'Cause I love a good mystery?

Arnold

Oh, come on. What's the real reason?

Helga

Oh, I don't know Arnaldo, I guess maybe I just took pity on you and your stupid friends.

Arnold

Well, why?

Helga (stalling)

Because... 'cause I guess maybe I don't hate you as much as I thought, okay? I guess maybe I... I even kinda like you a little. Heck, I-I guess you might even kinda say I like you a lot.

Arnold

You do? You did this for me?

Helga

That's right, hairboy. I mean, criminy, what else are you supposed to do when someone you love is in trouble?

Arnold

Love?

Helga (no longer angry)

You heard me, pal. I love you, LOVE YOU! (Arnold falls down briefly, and gets back up.) Who else do you think has been stalking you night and day, building shrines to you in a closet, filling volumes of books with poems about you? I love you Arnold! I’ve always loved you, ever since I first laid eyes on your stupid football head! And from that moment and every moment since, I’ve lived and breathed for you, dreamed of the moment I could finally tell you my secret feelings and could grab you and kiss you and—! Oh, come here, you big lug! (Helga kisses Arnold like there is no tomorrow. Arnold's pupils get small and his hat falls off.)

Arnold

I'm confused. Did you just say you love me?

Helga (angrily)

What, are you deaf?!

Gerald (on the walkie-talkie)

Arnold!

Helga

Not now!

Gerald (confusedly staring at walkie-talkie)

Not now? Who the...?

Helga

Oh, Arnold, just hold me.

Arnold (sneaking out of her embrace)

I... I... I-I need to think.

Helga (dreamily)

Yes, I suppose you'll have to do the thinking for both of us now, darling. (Tries to kiss him, but Arnold dodges.)

Arnold

Whoa, this is all happening too fast. I feel—I feel dizzy. I need to lie down.

Helga (dreamily)

Wonderful, I'll go with you.

Arnold

No! I mean, there's no time for that. We’ve got twenty minutes to get back to the neighborhood before the bulldozers roll!

Helga (dreamily)

Bulldozers?

Arnold

Helga. The neighborhood. We have to save the neighborhood! Come on. Let's roll. (He pulls out a rope with a hook.)
(They get down to the ground using the rope, passing by Scheck's window.)

Bus

(Arnold and Helga see Gerald standing in a bus doors)

Arnold

Oh, no.

Gerald

I couldn't find a cab. Come on. Helga? What's she doing here?

Arnold

No time to explain, Gerald. (He and Helga get on the bus.) We got exactly sixteen minutes to get back to the neighborhood and stop the bulldozers.

Murray

Behind the yellow line.

FTI building

Scheck (seeing in security monitor of the children to enter a bus,)

(Pounds on the monitor) NOOOOO! (Phones Nick) Nick! That football-headed kid and his little pals have a copy of the document on videotape and they're headed uptown right now with it on city bus number 13. GET 'EM!

A street

Nick Vermicelli (to the phone)

Don't worry, Boss. I'll take care of it. (Hangs up.) All right, everybody, listen up. There's a bus headed uptown. Your job is to stop it. (FTi helicopters raise into the air.)

Bus

Gerald (to the driver)

Couldn't you go just a little faster?

Murray

I drive twenty-five miles an hour. No exceptions, no discussion.

Arnold

But people's lives are at stake!

Murray

It's not my problem.

Gerald

But you see, the thing is, Murray, we're kind on in a hurry. A whole neighborhood's about to be torn down and we have a proof that can stop 'em from doing it. We have to get there in fourteen minutes.

Murray

I'll get you there when I get you there, which, according to my schedule, will be in about forty-four minutes.

Arnold

But that'll be too late!

Gerald

We have to get there in fourteen minutes.

Murray

Then I guess you're gonna have to sprout wings and fly, Chester.

Arnold

Don't you wanna save all those people's homes?

Murray

Not my problem, kid.

Arnold

Don't you care that every building from 33rd to 39th Street is going to be demolished?

Murray (surprised)

33rd to 39th Street?

Arnold

Right.

Murray

Hey, that's where Mona lives. Hang on to your goodies, kids. We got a neighborhood to save. (The bus accelerates so much that the kids are thrown with momentum into its side.)
(Scheck drives away from his building. The helicopters fly along.)

Gerald

Is there anything we can do?

Murray

Yeah. You can get down on your knees and pray this hunk o' junk holds together long enough to get us uptown in one piece!

Street

(Grandpa and the boarders get into a trench they have made.)

Grandpa

Hey, where's Arnold?

Bus

Arnold (pointing out at the road blocked by FTi men ahead of them.)

Look!

Helicopter pilot

In position, sir.

Nick Vermicelli (into walkie-talkie)

Do it.

Helicopter pilot (to drawbridge mechanician)

Roger that.
(The drawbridge starts to raise.)

Gerald

Baruch atah Adonai...

Arnold

I didn't know you were religious.

Gerald

Neither did I.
(The bus jumps over the open space between the two bridge halves. Murray hits his head hard and passes out.)

Arnold (runs to the driver and shakes him)

Murray! (Murray does not wake up, and Arnold takes the steering wheel. Murray's prosthetic leg gets stuck in the gas pedal.)

Gerald

His fake leg's stuck. I can't budge it.

Helga

Oh, perfect.

Arnold

Gerald, you'll have to drive.

Helga

Him?!

Gerald

Me?! Are you crazy?!

Arnold

Gerald, you're the top-scoring Runaway Bus player at the arcade. You can do it.

Gerald (still trying to free the pedal)

Arnold, that's a game. This is real life!

Arnold

You can do it, Gerald. I know you can.

Gerald

Why do you always have to do that, why you always have to look on the bright side? "We can save the neighborhood, we can find the document, you can drive the bus."

Arnold

Because somebody has to.

Gerald

Oh man. (Gets up.) Get on the floor. You too, Helga. (Takes the steer wheel)

Helga

The floor, why?

Gerald

Because I'm driving the bus, OK? And because I'm nine years old, and I can't reach the pedals. Do it! Arnold, you work the clutch. Helga, you work the brakes. And both of you, try to get Murray's fake leg off the stinking gas pedal!
(Arnold and Helga do what they are told, Helga sniffs Arnold's hair, sighs dreamily, then promplty slaps herself to stay focused.)
(They see the grubby man crossing the street with a cart full of cans. )

Gerald

Brake!
(The bus strikes the cart, but the man manages to avoid it.)

Grubby

My cans!

Gerald

Clutch! Clutch! (Arnold presses the clutch.)

Scheck (Singing as he drives his car down a street parallel to the one the bus is on.)

You take the high road,
and I'll take the low road. (Evilly laughs.)

In front of the Sunset Arms

(Grandpa, Mr. Hyunh, Oskar, and Ernie are hiding in a blindage.)

Grandpa (looking at Nick Vermicelli and FTi workers through binoculars.)

What the heck are those guys up to?

Scheck's car

Scheck (into the phone)

Is the overpass wired?

Nick Vermicelli (into the phone)

Yes.

Scheck

Blow it.

Nick Vermicelli

Ehm, just so we're being straight here, boss, this is pretty serious.

Scheck

Serious?

Nick Vermicelli

Yeah, you know, as in fifteen to life.

Scheck (angrily)

JUST DO IT, YOU INCOMPETENT MORON!
(Nick Vermicelli presses a button, and a section of highway blows up, everyone looks up.)
(Truck driver stops before the destroyed area)

Street in front of the Sunset Arms

(The Scheckvision countdown reaches 00:00:00)

Nick Vermicelli

All right, it's seven o'clock. Time to take it all down! (Whistles to the workers)
(Bulldozers start.)

Grandpa (holding a detonation plunger)

Oh, why'd I eat chilli for breakfast?

Ernie

Easy, Gramps. Don't blow yet.

Grandpa

Okay, men. As soon as I push down this plunger, we'll commence Operation Stop the Bulldozer.

Big Bob (scaring them)

Hey, what's goin' on? 286-DX plunger, high-gauge wire, C-47 tubing. I know what you're up to. You're planning to blow the street up, make a hole big enough to stop the bulldozers from knocking down the neighborhood. You could do serious jail time for that.

Grandpa

Well, I...

Big Bob (smiling)

You need any help?

Bus

Gerald (seeing a section of the highway missing)

We can't make it, Arnold!

Helga

Maybe we can jump out.

Arnold

No. No, use the truck! (Shows at a truck stopped close to the missing section of the highway.) We can jump the hole!

Gerald

Jump the hole?! Arnold, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard! Let's do it!

Murray (waking up)

Hey, what happened?

Arnold

It's OK, Murray. We're jumping the ramp.

Murray

Ramp? What ramp? (Sees it and passes out again.)
(The bus jumps off the ramp and flies over the boarding house in slow-motion. The boarders look at it astonished. It lands successfully on the other side of the overpass.)

In front of the Sunset Arms

(Grandma jumping from one roof on another reaches the place. She jumps into one of the bulldozers.)

Rasta Guy

Ooh, my, what smell is so rank?

Grandma

Get out. (Tosses him from the bulldozer.)
(The bus crashes through a construction barricade, getting nearer to their destination. The children see bulldozers blocking their way.)

Gerald

Now what?

Arnold

Grandma!

Gerald

What about your Grandma? She's in jail.

Arnold

She was in jail. (Points out at Grandma)
(Grandma uses her bulldozer to disable the rest by knocking them over.)

Arnold

Yay, Grandma!

Gerald

You know she's going back to jail, Arnold.

Arnold

I know.
(But one bulldozer is still left. The bus runs into it)

Gerald

Hang on!
(The bus falls onto its right side, crashing in the process and stops. People come out to look at the bus. TV reporters and the mayor arrive. The bus is a wreck. Everyone looks worried, until...)

Arnold (finally getting out of the damaged bus)

I got it! I got the tape!

Grandpa

Oh, that's wonderful, Arnold! What tape?

Arnold

The tape that'll prove this neighborhood is a national historic landmark and can never be destroyed. All I need is a VCR, and I can show you what I'm talking about.

Bridget

I'm way ahead of you, Arnold.

Arnold

Bridget?

Bridget

Up here. (We can see Bridget standing at the base of the Scheckvision screen with a VCR under her arm.)

TV reporters

Tape!
(Bridget uses a rope with a hook to get down.)

Harold

Wow.

Helga (sarcastically)

Hm. Who does she think she is, anyway? Catwoman?
(Bridget gives Arnold the VCR and Arnold puts the tape into it. Scheck burning the document appears on the Scheckvision screen. They zoom it in.)

Mayor Dixie

Oh, my word! That's enough for me. (To the TV cameras) As your mayor, I reclaim this entire neighborhood as a national historic landmark, never to be torn down.
(Everyone cheers.)
(Scheck's car finally arrives)

Scheck

It's after seven o'clock! What are you idiots waiting for? KNOCK IT DOWN!
(the workers look angrily at Scheck and point to the screen)

Grandpa

It's that lying crook, Scheck! Come on! Let's flip the clock!

Crowd

I got the hubcap!
(Mr Scheck get back into the car and tries to drive away. He sees the kids in front of him and tries to mow them down, but realizes he isn't moving. It is shown that Grandma has already removed the tires.)
(Policemen put handcuffs on him, and take him away.)

Scheck

I would've gotten away with it if it wasn't for that meddling football head, the kid with the weird stack of hair, and that brat with one eyebrow!

Helga (Slams the door of the prison truck)

Tell it to the judge, you big donut-hole!

Big Bob

Yeah, tell it to your cell mate in Folsom.
(Big Bob sees Nick Vermicelli trying to run away. Bob growls and bodyslams Nick)
Where are you goin', Pipsqueak?

Nick Vermicelli

Hey, Bob, I'll make it up to you. I'll buy you breakfast, we can talk, they have a special--AAAH!
(But Big Bob won't have any of it and knocks Nick out with one punch)

Stinky

Willikers, what a day! Fistfights, car chases and political intrigue.

Sid

Oh, and don't forget about the overpass blowin' up!

Harold

Yeah, and it's only 7:30 in the morning! I wanna go back to bed. I'm exhausted.
(Harold sits on the detonator plunger.)

Grandpa

NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
(But it is too late; the building with the Scheckvision screen blows up. The sound of glass shattering is heard as the screen falls down.)

Scheck (on Scheckvision screen, now all cracked and staticky.)

Change is good. Change is good. Change is good, change-change-good-change-good-change-change is good...(Multiple Schecks appear on the screen until the picture goes out.)

Grandpa

What do you know. I thought we set the explosives more down the middle of the street. (To the boarders) You didn't see nothing. Scatter. (They all run away.)

Murray (gets out of the broken bus)

What happened? We made it!

Mona

Murray!

Murray

Mona?

Mona

Murray! You saved the neighborhood! You're my hero. And I'm so sorry I made fun of your leg.

Murray

I don't care. I love you, baby.

Mona

I love you too, Murray. I love you just the way you are. (They embrace.)
(Arnold and Helga look at the couple.)

Arnold

Pretty crazy day. (Steps away from Helga)

Helga (embarrassedly)

Yeah, we... ooh... said a lot of nutty things back there.

Arnold

Yeah.

Helga

Y-Yeah. W-Well, um. About all that stuff I said, Arnold, I... I... I mean... It was crazy back there, and...

Arnold

Yeah, with all the excitement we just... we just kinda...

Helga

G-Got carried away?

Arnold

You didn't really mean all that, did you? You don't really... love me, right?

Helga

Right.

Arnold

You were caught up in the heat of the moment, right?

Helga (liking the idea)

Right!

Arnold

You actually hate me, don't you?

Helga (really liking the idea)

Of course I hate you, you stupid football head, and don't you ever forget it! Ever!

Arnold

Okay.
(Helga storms away, as Arnold looks at her with a knowing smile. Behind the corner, Helga switches into happy mood.)

Helga

Yes! La-la-la!

Gerald

Well, I guess we did it, Arnold. We saved the neighborhood.

Arnold

Yep. Guess everything's back to normal.

Gerald

What do you say we go shoot some hoops?

Arnold

Gerald, our ball's flat, remember?

Gerald

No-no-no. Just a little low on air.

Arnold

Wait a minute. Now you're looking on the bright side?

Gerald

Somebody has to do it.
(Eugene shows up.)

Eugene (singing)

We saved our neighborhood
They could not tear it down
They could not turn our smile
Into a frown

Gerald (switches off the stereo)

The show's over, Eugene.
(Helga dances away happily as the movie fades out.)

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