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Credits

Cast, as credited

Arnold Spencer Klein
Helga / Sheena Francesca Smith
Gerald / Peapod Kid Jamil Smith
Phoebe / Baby #1 Anndi McAfee
Lila / Baby #2 Ashley Buccille
Rhonda / Baby #3 Olivia Hack
Eugene Blake Ewing
Bob / Supervisor Maurice LaMarche
Miriam Kath E. Soucie
Minister / Brainy / Earl Craig Bartlett

Part 1

Out on the playground, nearing the end of recess. Rhonda and her friends are playing a game with her origami marriage predictor.

Rhonda

P-I-N-K. OK. What’s your lucky number?

Sheena

Three.

Rhonda

1-2-3. That means, conclusively, that according to my foolproof origami marriage predictor, when you grow up, you are absolutely and without question going to marry... Eugene.

Sheena

Eugene? Oh, that’s wonderful! I’m gonna marry Eugene!

Eugene

Oh, well, gosh! I’m... I’m sure we’ll be very happy... heh heh... uh...

Rhonda

Well, of course you will. The origami marriage predictor is never wrong. According to my own scientifically accurate method, this test will absolutely calculate, beyond any doubt, the matrimonial futures of each and every one of our classmates. By the end of the day, I’ll have matched up every one in the whole class. Now, who’s next? How about you, Lila?

Lila

Well, I’d like to, just ever so much, but I think the bell’s about to ring.

Rhonda

Don’t be ridiculous. We’ve got plenty of time.

The bell rings.

Arnold

How’d you know the bell was going to ring?

Lila

Gosh, I’m certain I don’t know, Arnold. I just... had a feeling.

Arnold

You’re so intuitive, Lila. Can I carry your books?

Lila

Oh, you don’t need to, Arnold. But, if you’d like, you can walk to class with me.

They go inside. Meanwhile, Helga, who listens to Arnold and Lila’s conversation, kicks a pop can around.

Helga

Lila. Little miss perfect. That little goody-two-shoes. So what if she knew the bell was gonna ring?! Big deal! Any idiot could figure that out! All you need is a stinking watch! How can he be so impressed by that? Arnold. What a nincompoop. What a dopey little dumb-headed dingbat. How I despise him, and yet... (runs and hides behind a trash can, looking at her Arnold locket)... I love him! His naïve yet admirable innocence. His willingness to embrace the best qualities in a poor, lonely farm girl... even if deep down, she’s probably just simple and shallow, and only looks brilliant because she has a watch. Sure, she looks pretty and acts smart, and... and she’s funny and kind and popular, but... that’s still no reason to go all ga-ga over her! I mean, what’s she got that I haven't got? OK, so maybe I’m not pretty, and I’m not popular, and maybe I don’t act nice and sweet and kind like Lila always does, that still doesn’t change the fact that I’m the one, the one and only one who truly loves Arnold... if only he could see past my mean, blustery veneer, and into my soft, mushy interior, wherein, I adore him! Oh...

Arnold comes back out because he forgot his schoolbooks.

Arnold

Helga?

Helga

Arnold?! I... I mean, what are you doing sneaking up on me, football head?

Arnold

I forgot my books. You going to class?

Helga

Yeah, I’m going to class, when I’m good and ready. OK with you?

Arnold

Sure. See ya. (He leaves)

Helga

Arnold...

Brainy is inside a trash can behind Helga. He is wheezing. Helga punches him, and he and the trash can crash onto the ground.

Part 2

It is after school. Rhonda is playing the marriage predictor game with Peapod Kid.

Rhonda

3-2-1-4. Oh, Peapod Kid, this is marvelous! You’re going to marry Nadine!

Peapod Kid

Nadine? The one who is unnaturally obsessed with bugs, frogs and other creepy, crawly wildlife creatures? Well, I must say, this is terribly, terribly... encouraging. Thank you, Ms. Lloyd. (They shake hands)

Rhonda

Don’t mention it. (Peapod Kid leaves) OK, who’s next? How about you, Arnold?

Arnold

Oh, uh... no thanks.

Rhonda

Oh, Arnold, please! You can't tell me you aren’t the least bit curious about who you’re going to wind up marrying when you grow up.

Arnold

I’ll just wait and see.

Rhonda

It could be Lila...

Gerald

Whaddya say, loverboy? You wanna take the test?

Arnold

Gerald, it’s just a dumb, made-up game. It doesn’t mean anything.

Gerald

How do you know? What if you’re wrong, and it actually has magical power, to predict the girl that someday you’re gonna marry? The girl you’re gonna pledge your heart to, and’ll love, cherish, honor, and obey... and live a happily ever after with...

Arnold

Right.

Gerald

It could happen.

Rhonda

Come on, Arnold. What are you afraid of? Not the truth, is it? The truth about who you’re going to marry?

Arnold

OK... I’ll take the test. But it doesn’t really mean anything.

Rhonda

All right, Arnold. Pick your favorite number.

Arnold

Five.

Rhonda

1-2-3-4-5. Now pick your favorite color.

Arnold

Blue.

Rhonda

B-L-U-E. And now, for the final question... what day of the month were you born on?

Arnold

The 7th.

Rhonda

1-2-3-4-5-6-7. And now, for the result... (gasp) oh, my gosh...

Arnold

What?

Rhonda

Oh... my gosh...

Arnold

What? What?!

Rhonda

You’re going to marry... Helga.

Arnold

Helga?

Rhonda

Helga.

Helga (behind the left side ledge of the steps of the school)

Me? Oh...

Arnold

That’s impossible! There’s no way I could ever marry Helga! You must have made a mistake.

Rhonda

There is no mistake, Arnold. My test is absolutely foolproof! You’re going to marry Helga G. Pataki, period. (Gerald laughs)

Arnold

I wanna do it again.

Rhonda

OK. Pick your favorite number.

Arnold

Three.

Rhonda

You said five before.

Arnold

Three’s my other favorite number.

Rhonda

Suit yourself. 1-2-3-4. Helga Pataki.

Arnold

Oh, come on! That can’t be right! One more time.

Rhonda

Arnold, please...

Arnold

Just one more time...

Rhonda

All right, but I’m telling you, it’s just going to say that you’re marrying Helga. 1-2-3-4.

Arnold

One more time.

Rhonda

Helga Pataki.

Arnold

One more time.

Rhonda

No, Arnold! You’ve done the test 110 times, and it always comes out the same! You and Helga are going to get married when you grow up. (Gerald snores)

Arnold

There’s gotta be some mistake! Come on, one more time. Just one more time!

Rhonda

No, you’re marrying Helga Pataki! That’s final! Live with it!

Arnold

But, Rhonda!

Rhonda

No!

Rhonda leaves in one direction, and Arnold and Gerald leave in another direction.

Helga

Oh... Arnold and I are going to be married! It’s true! He did the test 110 times, and... despite the fact that the result revolted him... it always came out the same! Me and Arnold... married! Oh, it’s fate! This is... wonderful...

Part 3

Arnold and Gerald head toward Arnold’s house.

Arnold

This is horrible.

Gerald

Maybe it’s true. Maybe you’ll grow up, fall in love and live a happily ever after...

Arnold

Gerald!

Gerald

OK, I’m just saying, I mean, who knows?

Arnold (kicking a pop can)

I know. I am definitely not marrying Helga G. Pataki, definitely!

Gerald

OK! I believe you!

Arnold

No matter what some dumb origami marriage predictor says.

Gerald

Relax! I mean, you said it yourself; it’s just some dumb, made-up ol’ game! Doesn't mean anything!

Arnold (looking up at a window and sees two wedding cake figures of he and Helga)

Right! I am not going to marry Helga!

Part 4

Later, that night, Helga is in her closet, has a wedding gown on, and is hugging her Arnold shrine.

Helga

I’m going to marry Arnold! It’s like a dream!

Arnold (In his room, in his bed, ready to sleep)

It’s like a nightmare!

Helga (In her closet, ready to go to bed)

The one boy I’ve always hoped I would marry!

Arnold (Pulling the blankets over his head)

One girl I never wanna marry! Ever! (groans)

Helga (In her bed, kissing her Arnold locket)

Oh, Arnold! Arnold! (kiss)

Arnold (dreaming)

I'm not going to marry Helga... I'm not going to marry Helga...

Part 5

Arnold’s dream starts. Eugene is playing on the church organ. Arnold’s grandma sniffles. Arnold is standing between Gerald, the best man, and the minister.

Arnold

Gerald, what’s going on? What am I doing here?

Gerald

What do you mean, ‘what are you doing here’? You’re getting married, remember?

Arnold

Married?! To who?

Gerald

Who else? The girl you fell in love with, and proposed to?

The door opens and the bride walks down the aisle.

Arnold

Wait a minute... I can’t get married! I’m only 9!

Gerald

What are you talking about? You’re 25! Man, you got the wedding jitters, bad!

Arnold

25? But, I...

Gerald

Shhshh... act sharp. Here comes your bride!

Arnold

Lila?

Helga (lifting her veil; she's the bride)

No such luck, football head!

Arnold

No! This can’t be happening!

Minister

Do you, Helga, take Arnold to be your lawfully wedded husband, to love, honor and cherish till death do you part?

Helga

You got it, padre! I mean, I do.

Minister

And do you, Arnold, take Helga to be your lawfully wedded wife, to love, honor, and cherish till death do you part?

Arnold

No, no, I don't! This is all a big mistake!

Rhonda

Oh, there’s no mistake! You’re marrying Helga, just like it turned out in my foolproof origami marriage predictor! (all the flaps say "HELGA")

Helga

Now, get on with it! Say ‘I do’!

Arnold

But, I don’t!

Helga

You do!

Arnold

I don’t!

Helga

You do!

Arnold

I don’t!

Helga

You don’t?

Arnold

I do!

Helga

Ha... gotcha.

Arnold

(Groans)

Minister

I now pronounce you, man and wife.

Helga throws a bouquet of flowers, and grabs Arnold’s hand and slips a ring on his finger.

Arnold

No... wait a minute, she tricked me!

Minister

You may now kiss the bride...

Arnold

No! No!

Helga kisses him. Arnold wakes up from his nightmare, screaming.

Arnold

No, this can't be happening! Me, married to Helga?!

Part 6

In Helga’s room. She is dreaming.

Helga (dreaming)

I do, I do, I do...

Helga’s dream starts.

Helga

I do, I do!

Arnold

And I do too, forever and ever and ever...

Minister

I now pronounce you, man and wife.

Arnold and Helga kiss passionately. Big Bob and Miriam in the audience get teary-eyed. Outside, crowds of people cheer for them, including Gerald, Rhonda and Stinky as the head off into their ‘Just Married’ car. They leave. The next scene shows them on a river, in a boat in Venice. They are on their honeymoon.

Helga

Oh, Arnold, isn’t life wonderful?

Arnold

It is now.

Helga

You don’t still think about her, do you?

Arnold

"Her?" I’m sure I don’t know who you mean.

Helga

You know, her.

Arnold

Oh... you mean Lila?

Helga

I know how crazy you were about her, and I just...

Arnold (takes her by the hand)

Don’t be ridiculous, darling. I love you, and only you. Lila is nothing but a faint and frankly annoying memory to me. She couldn’t be further from my thoughts... and you, nearer.

Helga

Oh, Arnold...

Arnold

Darling...

They lean forward and are ready to kiss, when Lila rows her boat towards their boat.

Lila

Arnold!

Arnold

Lila?

Lila

Arnold!

Helga

Lila!

Arnold

What are you doing here?

Lila

Oh, Arnold, I’m oh so sorry! I know you’re on your honeymoon, but I just can’t deny my feelings anymore! I know that you’ve loved me once, and I’ve realized that I love you too, just ever so much!

Arnold

Lila, please! You know I’m married to Helga, the one true love in my life. I liked you liked you once, but that’s over. Now, I just like you, understand? I like you!

Lila

Oh, but Arnold...

Helga

You heard him, sister!

The Italian guy in Arnold and Helga’s boat rows their boat away. Lila’s boat breaks in half, and she is sinking.

Lila

Whoa! Whoa! I’ll win you back, Arnold. I’ll win you back, somehow... wait. I just remembered, I can’t swim... (gurgle)

Sheena’s Uncle Earl pulls Lila out of the water with his fishing rod.

Uncle Earl

Arrr!

Helga (from her sleep)

Heheheh, heheh...

The next scene shows Arnold and Helga sitting at a table on top of a balcony. Helga is reading a newspaper.

Helga

Inflation skyrockets, unemployment soars, baby born with winning lottery ticket? (Pounds her fist on the table) That's it! I’ve decided I’m running for President!

Arnold (taking both of her hands)

Wonderful! I’ll support you all the way!

Helga

I knew you would...

Arnold

Oh, my darling, I’ll love you forever...

Helga

Really?

Arnold

All the days and nights until the end of time! I love the way you laugh, the way you cry! You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever known!

Helga

Oh, go on...

Arnold

All right, I’ll stop.

Helga

No! I mean, go on, go on!

Arnold

Your eyes are like two diamonds, shining brightly amidst a sky of pale blue heaven...

Helga

Ohhh! Go on, my love. Go on, go on...

Part 7

Helga’s dream stops there and Arnold’s dream continues...

Arnold (in his sleep)

No... no... no...

In Arnold’s dream, Helga is carrying him out of the church.

Arnold

What are you doing?! Put me down, Helga! I’m not marrying you!

Helga

What are you complaining about? I'm the one doing all the work here!

She drops him.

Arnold

Ow!

Later, in Helga’s house, Arnold, Helga and her family sit down for dinner.

Big Bob

So, you live here, and starting tomorrow, Arnold’s gonna work with me down at the Beeper Emporium.

Arnold

But... I don’t really wanna be a beeper salesman...

Big Bob (pounding his fist on the table and getting up quickly)

Salesman?! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Mister Fancy-Pants! Who says you get to be a salesman right off the bat?

Arnold

Well, I just thought that...

Big Bob

You start on the loading dock, just like I did, unloading heavy boxes from 7 to 5.

Arnold

But, Mr. Pataki, I never really planned on the future at the Beeper Emporium...

Big Bob

Yeah, well, I guess you really lucked out when you married our Olga...

Helga

It’s Helga, dad...

Big Bob

You know, if you wore the nametag I got you, you wouldn’t keep having this problem.

Miriam

So, Helga, what are you gonna do with yourself all day?

Helga

Uh, I thought I’d lay around the house, watch TV, read comic books and eat a lot of junk food.

Miriam

Uhuh... that... that sounds good... that sounds good... (Her face falls into the stuffing bowl)

Big Bob

Yep, good plan.

Arnold

How come I have to work and she doesn’t?

Helga

‘Cause I don’t feel like it, and I’ve got more important stuff to do.

Arnold

Like what?

Helga

None of your beeswax, football head! (She leaves)

Big Bob

Yeah! Why should she have to work, if you are? Come on, kid, use your noggin! You’re never gonna get off the loading dock with that attitude! More stuffing, Miriam... (Miriam is snoring in the stuffing)

Arnold is trying to push a heavy box out of a truck at the loading dock. 3 Union workers watch him.

Arnold (exerting energy)

You know, I could use a little help here...

Union Worker (eating a banana)

Oh, yeah, sure, but uh, that would be against, uh, Union rules, right, guys?

Arnold

So, you’re telling me, that I have to unload all these boxes by myself?!

Union Worker

Mmhmm.

Arnold

Well, uh, what do you guys do?

Union Worker

Ah, well, we supervise you.

Arnold

All 3 of you?

Union Worker

That’s right... now get back to work... (throws a banana peel near Arnold’s feet)

Arnold and Big Bob are walking home.

Big Bob

Another day, another dollar... (slaps Arnold’s back)... what are you limping for?

Arnold

I slipped on a banana peel...

Big Bob

You shouldn’t be eating bananas, when you’re supposed to be toting boxes!

Arnold

But I... never mind. (They are in front of the house. Big Bob sees a stork flying away.)

Big Bob

Hey, look! There’s a stork flying off our roof! You know what that means.

Arnold

What? What does it mean?

They walk inside. Arnold hears 3 babies crying.

Arnold

But... how could this happen?

Helga

Stork brought them.

Arnold

But, we’ve only been married for two days!

Helga

Well, I guess that’s all it takes, football head! By the way, they’ve been crying and whining about something ever since they got here... (Picks a baby up) Plus, they smell like a bus station men's room. (Puts the baby down) Anyway, good luck with them.

Arnold

Where are you going?

Helga

To the movies! You can’t expect me to hang around here! That whining’s driving me bananas!

Arnold

But... but, what am I supposed to... Helga? (She leaves, slamming the door behind her)

Baby

Feed me! Burp me! Change me, my diapey’s full! Come on, move it, football head! (Another baby burps)

Babies (chanting)

Football head! Football head! Football head! Football head...

Arnold (from his sleep)

No...

Part 8

Helga (from her sleep)

Yes... yes...

Helga's dream continues. A newspaper says that Helga Pataki is President of the United States. The next scene shows Helga (with her hair short and a red business suit), Arnold and a huge crowd of people in front of the White House. Familiar faces like Nadine, Big Bob, Miriam and Eugene (with a broken leg) can be seen in the crowd. Helga is taking the Oath.

Pres. Helga

I, Helga G. Pataki, do faithfully swear to uphold the duties of the Office of President of the United States! Thank you, thank you! And now, as your new President, I'd like to introduce the First Man, Arnold Pataki. As you know, behind every great woman is a great man!

F. M. Arnold

Thank you, I...

Pres. Helga (nudges him and whispering)

Get behind!

SEE THE IRONY? Pres. Helga does two 'victory' signs, and the crowd cheers. She sees Lila in the crowd.

Lila

Arnold, Arnold!

Pres. Helga whispers to her secret service guys Harold and Stinky, and they run and grab Lila.

Lila

Ow! No! Arnold!

Helga (from her sleep)

Heheheh...

The next scene is in where Pres. Helga is in the Oval Office, talking on the phone with the Secretary of the Interior.

Pres. Helga

Look, I know you’re the Secretary of the Interior, but I’m the President, and I say I want my face carved up there on Mount Rushmore next to those other big-shots! You know, Lincoln, Washington, and what’s their names!

Sec. of State Phoebe

Madam President, you have an urgent call from Chile, the Milk Board is here for your 10 o’clock, and the Swiss Ambassador wants to know what you think of his ‘Cheese Plan’.

Pres. Helga

Hold the chili, cancel the milk, and tell the Swiss Ambassador that his cheese plan’s full of holes. Oh, and that reminds me... get me a pastrami on rye, extra mustard.

Sec. of State Phoebe

Holding, canceling, telling and... getting! Oh, and the First Man is here to see you.

Pres. Helga

Send him in...

Secretary of State Phoebe leaves and First Man Arnold enters.

Pres. Helga

Darling...

F. M. Arnold

Angel... how’s my favorite President?

Pres. Helga

I’m fine... now...

They hug each other and Eskimo kiss. Later that evening, President Helga is talking on the phone with the Swiss Ambassador.

Pres. Helga

Look, Jacques, I’ll take your cheese plan and run it through the grater!

Sec. of State Phoebe

Madam President, I have terrible, terrible news!

Pres. Helga

Is it my pastrami on rye?

Sec. of State Phoebe

No, it’s worse! (Pres. Helga gasps) The First Man... has been kidnapped! Now, I’ve alerted the CIA, the FBI and the State Department. Our Intelligence reports indicate that Arnold is being held captive by an unknown terrorist in a castle in northern Italy. The Joint Chiefs of Staff are already formulating a plan to go in and rescue him!

Pres. Helga

No! If the First Man’s in trouble, then it’s gonna take the First Woman to save him! Fire up the Air Force One!

Sec. of State Phoebe

Firing! (On her phone) I want Air Force One fueled and ready for international departure, ASAP. I don’t care, just do it, do it, do it!

Soon, Air Force One departs to Italy. President Helga and Secretary of State Phoebe are inside. Helga wears a black secret agents' outfit and her hair flowing out. Secretary of State Phoebe tells Pres. Helga the plan.

Sec. of State Phoebe

The First Man is somewhere in this highly fortified castle, heavily guarded.

Pres. Helga

Check.

Sec. of State Phoebe

You’ll have to parachute in, undercover of night, then make your way up the castle wall without being detected.

Pres. Helga

Check.

Flight Attendant

Peanuts, peanuts!

Pres. Helga

Over here, honey, and give me a spare. You never know when I might need it.

The flight attendant gives President Helga 2 packages of peanuts, and then Pres. Helga opens the door and jumps out. She eats a package of peanuts, opens up the parachute, and then goes down until she reaches a balcony, kicking a castle guard, who screams. She shoots the hook gun up to the top of another wall, and she climbs up, using the rope from the hook gun. Then, up there, she opens a door, goes in, looks at the ‘Arnold Detector’ (looks like her old Arnold locket), which tells her which room Arnold is in. Once she has located where Arnold is, she goes in, blocks out a security camera, then walks on the ceiling using suction cup shoes. She is in the hallway that leads to the room Arnold is tied up in, but Helga has to get through all of the hi-tech security stuff to get to the door. Once she gets through, she opens the door.

Pres. Helga

Arnold!

F. M. Arnold (muffled)

Helga!

3 ninjas appear out of nowhere. They are ready to attack her, but she rips open that other peanut package she was saving, and spills them out onto the floor, and the ninjas trip over them in a Hanna-Barbera fashion and bonk heads. Helga runs over to Arnold and takes off the duct tape from his mouth.

F. M. Arnold

I knew you’d come...

They are ready to kiss, when the Cobra Commander-esque unknown terrorist comes through the door.

Pres. Helga

It’s you! The unknown international terrorist who kidnapped the First Man and threatened world peace!

President Helga and the terrorist commander leap toward each other start fighting. Then, while Helga has a firm grip on the terrorist’s black mask, she pulls it off, and it’s no one else but...

Pres. Helga

Lila?!

F. M. Arnold

Lila?!

Lila

That’s right! It’s me, Lila!

Pres. Helga

You’re the terrorist?

F. M. Arnold

But, why?! Why did you kidnap me?

Lila

I told you I loved you, but you shunned me! I tried to forget about you, just ever so hard, but I couldn’t! And when I realized that I was never gonna be able to win your love, I suppose I... (She pulls a skull off of a skeleton and then drops it)... well, I went over to the dark side, and I... I kidnapped you in a desperate and ill-conceived attempt to steal your heart, and I’m sorry, I’m just ever so sorry! (She cries at Arnold’s feet)

F. M. Arnold

Well, Lila, your evil scheme has backfired!

Lila

(sadly) It has?

F. M. Arnold

You bet it has! It’s only made the love between Helga and me stronger!

Pres. Helga

Oh...

Pres. Helga unties Arnold from the chair. All of the soldier guys rush up the stairs and up into the room. Arnold and Helga see Gerald, who smiles at them.

Pres. Helga (points at Lila)

Lock her up!

Soldiers Curly and Iggy drag the sobbing Lila away.

Lila (crying)

Arnold! No, Arnold! No... (continues bawling)

President Helga and First Man Arnold hug each other lovingly. Later, they are sailing off toward the silver sun (the moon) in a hot air balloon shaped like a heart. They are hugging each other.

F. M. Arnold

Thank you for saving me.

Pres. Helga

Oh, it was no big deal. Pastrami?

They eat the pastrami sandwich together, and then kiss like there was no tomorrow. Helga’s dream ends.

Helga (in her sleep)

Oh, Arnold! Oh, pastrami!

Part 9

Arnold’s dream continues.

Arnold (from his sleep)

No... no...

In his dream, he gets home from work, and sees the babies trashing the place, and sees Helga lazing on the couch in front of the TV.

Helga

Nice of you to show up.

Arnold

I was at my job, on the loading dock.

Helga (snaps her finger)

Paycheck!

Baby (throwing something at Arnold)

Stupid football head!

Arnold (grabs the remote and shuts off the TV)

That’s it! I can’t take this anymore!
(Background fades to black)

Helga

Hey! Whaddya think you’re doing?

Arnold

I’m taking charge of this nightmare! If I have to be married to you, then things are gonna change. First of all, I’m not working at the beeper store anymore. Second, we’re moving outta this madhouse, and finally, you're gonna start sharing some of the responsibilities...

Helga (taking a sip of her pop)

Yak, yak, yak!

Arnold (grabbing her by the shoulders)

Why are you doing this?! Look, I know you’re not this lazy and cold and uncaring! You may act like that, but, deep down, I know you’re smart and you have feelings, and if we have to be married to each other, then I want you to start showing it!

Helga

I... I don’t know what you’re talking about...

Arnold

Yes, you do, Helga! Why can’t you just admit it? You’re not this mean!

Helga

Yes, I am!

Arnold

No, you’re not! You’re not! (He lets go of her)

Helga

OK, OK, you’re right! I can’t hide it anymore. You’ve seen through my tough, blustery exterior and into my soft, mushy, good-hearted center. It’s true: I’m not this bad. I guess I was just afraid to show my real feelings, but you knew it all along, didn’t you? I may be rough around the edges, but, deep down, I’m a good person, and... I don’t hate you. In fact, I sorta like you... I mean, I actually, I sort of, more than like you, I... I really like you... I really, really like you, and well, heck, I... I like you so much, that, you might say that I actually... love... that I actually... love...

Part 10

Arnold’s dream ends as his alarm clock goes off. He wakes up, as it is morning. Later, in the bus, heading for school...

Gerald

Man! Talk about a nightmare!

Arnold

Tell me about it. She tricked me into marrying her... it was horrible.

Gerald

Heheh, I’ll bet.

Arnold

But the funny thing is, in a weird way, the nightmare kinda turned out to be OK.

Gerald

You’re kidding, right?

Arnold

No, seriously! I mean, I know it’s crazy, but... in the end of the dream, she actually turned out to be kinda nice...

Gerald

(incredulously) Nice?! Arnold, you catch that Chinese flu? We’re talking about Helga, right? Helga G. Pataki?

Arnold

Right.

Gerald

So, what are you saying, That maybe it’s true? That Rhonda’s right and you’re going to marry Helga, and she’s actually gonna be nice to you, and you’re gonna be happy?

Arnold

No... I mean... it was just a dream...

Gerald

Well, that's a relief...

Arnold

After all, I’m only 9. I’ve got plenty of time to think about who I’m gonna marry, but, I guess even if I wound up marrying Helga, it wouldn’t be so bad.

The bus stops and Rhonda gets on.

Rhonda

Everyone? I have an announcement. Last night, much to my dismay, I discovered a flaw in my origami marriage predictor, and well, the fact is, all the results are null and void. Sheena, you are not going to marry Eugene...

Sheena

Oh, no! Are you sure?! (Eugene sighs in relief)

Rhonda

I’m sorry. And Peapod Kid, you are definitely not going to marry Nadine...

Peapod Kid

Oh, this is terribly, terribly distressing!

Rhonda

And Arnold... I am so, so sorry, because you were so right! You are absolutely, positively not going to marry Helga! I apologize for any pain and torment I may have put you through.

Arnold

It’s OK, Rhonda...

Helga (thinking to herself, while looking at her Arnold locket)

What if it was all just a crazy dream? What if I never get the guts to tell Arnold how I really feel about him... and what if we never get married? Oh...

Rhonda (sits next to Phoebe)

I’m so glad I realized the mistake I made. I should have caught it before. The people I matched up...I mean, Arnold and Helga. Can you imagine anything more ridiculous? I mean, they couldn’t be more opposite! If they actually got married, what would that be like?

Rhonda shakes her head. Phoebe has a different view of what Arnold and Helga’s future would be like. While looking out the window, she pictures the two standing on a lighthouse, looking at the sunset. They look at each other, and, holding hands, watch the sun going down, and the episode ends.

Source

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