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Sid

I have a great idea! Why don't we play chess? How about a tournament?

Wolfgang

We'll meet you tomorrow... on the gridiron. (Leaves)

Edmund (Off-screen)

What's a gridiron?

Wolfgang (Off-screen, whispers)

Shut up...

Gerald

We're going to beat them?

Arnold

Sorry, I got carried away.

Helga

Nice going head boy, now we're all going to get carried away, On stretchers! They're fifth graders! They older, bigger, more brutal.

Arnold

Size isn't everything Helga, maybe we're smarter.

Helga

Smarter? Being smarter doesn't have to do with anything with football.

Arnold

Hey, Helga, who died and made you quarterback?

Helga

97
(Kids groan while doing push-ups.)

Helga

98
(Kids groan while doing push-ups.)

Helga

99! Come on! Get up! Walk it off. Let's go! We're going to practice everyday until I start seeing some improvement. And let's start thinking positively, think like winners, you bunch of losers.
(Harold vomits)

Helga

Any questions?

Harold

Ahh, I just throw up my protein drink! (Vomits again)

Sid

Uh, Mr. Wolfgang, sir, please don't make us play against you on Saturday.

Wolfgang

Oh, trying to chicken out, huh?

Helga

No, we're not!

Rhonda

Actually, I have a dentist appointment on Saturday.

Eugene

I have to get some stitches removed.

Stinky

Ah gotta git mah hair waxed.

Harold

And I have to feed my dog.

Helga

Harold, you don't even have a dog!

Harold

Okay, okay. Then I'm just scared and cold and sorta nauseous!

Phoebe

Perhaps we should let Arnold be quarterback for a while.

Helga

Phoebe! Have you lost your mind?!

Gerald

Look! If we don't run Arnold's plays, then I quit!

Eugene

This is wonderful! Everything is going our way, nothing can stop us, plus it's a lovely fall day!

(It starts to rain)

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