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Scene 1: P.S. 118 Playground

(Arnold is floating in space while the camera pans down to Earth.)

Helga
(echoing) Arnold! Arnold! Arnold, Arnold, Arnold! Hey Arnold!
Arnold
Huh?!?
Helga
Move it, Football Head, you're up!
Arnold
(to Gerald and Sheena) OK, I'm gonna shoot for the gap between second and third.
Gerald
Just try not to get hit, OK?
Arnold
Yeah, good strategy.
Helga
OK, move in, move in! This guy can't hit! No stick, no stick!
Harold
Ooh, look who's up. It's Arnold.
Gerald
C'mon, Arnold, pace it!
Harold
Thought you can't complain about baseball, huh, Arnold?
Helga
(spitting) Just throw the ball, Blimpo.
Harold
Hey, don't call me Blimpo! I have a plan problem.

(Harold throws the ball but Arnold misses the first hit.)

Helga
Strike one!
Harold
Boy, what a good swing, Arnold. Everybody is scared of your big powerful arms.
Helga
(throwing the ball back to Harold) C'mon, c'mon!
Harold
(catching the ball) Alright already, keep your shirt on, Helga!

(Harold throws the ball the second time but Arnold misses the second hit.)

Helg
(throwing the ball back to Harold) Strike two!
Harold
(catching the ball) Ooh, good one! Who taught you to bat, anyway? Your looney Grandma?
Arnold
(spits his hand) Just throw it.

(Harold throws the ball the third time and Arnold hits it but the ball hits Harold.)

Iggy
Say something, man!
Harold
G'night, mommy.

(Helga takes off her umpire helmet and hits Harold's hit.)

Harold
Huh, w-what happened?!?
Helga
Arnold beaned ya.
Harold
Who?
Helga
Arnold! (points)
Arnold
(nervously) Well uh, it was just a lucky swing. (throws his bat away)

(Harold walks closer to Arnold.)

Kids
Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight!
Helga
Wait, don't touch him!
Kids
Ooh!
Harold
Why not?
Helga
(growls) Well um, uh, because he wants to wait a day, that's why.
Harold
I do.
Helga
You know, let him dangle a while. Make him thing about what he did.
Harold
Make him think about what he did, yeah. OK, here's the deal. Tomorrow, Arnold, right here, it's clobbering time.
Kids
Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight!
Harold
Hey, wait a minute! Tomorrow?!? What if he leaves town?
Helga
Don't worry, he's not going anywhere. I'll keep an eye on him.

(Arnold gulps.)

Scene 2: The Street

Arnold
(kicks a can) Well, Gerald, it's been knowing you. Just try to remember me as I am now, okay? Not as I will be tomorrow, you know, dead.
Gerald
Aw c'mon, Arnold, you're not gonna get killed. That was great when you beaned him(Harold). You're a hero, man.
Arnold
Ya think so?
Gerald
Sure. Besides by tomorrow, there's not a kid in the city who'll remember this stupid fight.
Helga
(on the bus) Hey Arnold, 23 hours till you die! (laughs)
Gerald
Can I have your CD player?

Scene 3: The Bus

Helga
(laughs) Arnold, that moron how I hate him and yet... (holds up her Arnold locket) ...I love him. So mysterious, so swab, such as a sustainably shaped-little head. You'll ignore me but deep down, you know how I really feel. It's love, love, love!

(Brainy wheezes at Helga on the bus but Helga hits him on the head.)

Scene 4: The Sunset Arms

Arnold
So you wanna come up and eat with us?
Gerald
No thanks, I've had your Grandma's cooking and I'd rather be eaten chewed to death by rabbit weasels.
Arnold
Yeah, I know what you mean. (thumbs up) We'll see you tomorrow.
Gerald
OK.

(Arnold opens the door while the animals run out.)

Arnold
Grandma, Grandpa, I'm home.

(Grandpa comes out of the bathroom.)

Hey Grandpa, I got a problem.

Grandpa
Shoot it at me, Shortman!
Arnold
You see, there's a big jerk who says...
Grandpa
...Says he's gonna beat you up, eh?
Arnold
Yeah.
Grandpa
Gonna give you 24 hours to dangle, eh?
Arnold
That's right.
Grandpa
Wants to pound you flat and use your face for second base, eh?
Arnold
Yeah, yeah, what should I do?
Grandpa
I have no idea but there's one thing I do know, never eat raspberries. 'Cuse me a sec.

(Grandpa enters the bathroom and Arnold climbs up the stairs.)

Arnold
Grandma.
Grandma
(swats a fly) Come on in, Kimba.
Arnold
(laughs) No, Grandma, it's me, Arnold.
Grandma
Oh, I know but right now, you'll be Kimba, (to the fly on the phone) he'll be the man-eating tiger (the fly hears her high-pitched voice) and I'll be Blonna.
Arnold
Yeah, OK, Grandma, I mean, Blonna. Listen, I need some advice.
Grandma
Certainly. (pops her finger) Always stay down end of your price, carry plenty of animo and eat everything you kill!

(Grandma swats the phone but the fly flies away and the phone rings.)

Hello? It's for you, my savage friend.

Arnold
(sighs) Would you take a message?
Grandma
(on the phone) I'm sorry, Kimba's not available right now. (writes down with her pencil) Uh-huh, uh-huh, 22 hours and 3 minutes till you... Now was that dry or fry dear? Oh, die. Yes, OK, under...

Scene 5: Arnold's Room

(Arnold turns on the stereo, the lights and couch with the remote control. He sits down on the couch and the phone rings but Arnold pulls the phone off.)

Helga
(on the megaphone) Arnold, hey Arnold! 21 hours, 15 minutes and (looks at her watch) 16 seconds till you die!

(Arnold closes the window.)

Scene 5: Arnold's Room at Night

Helga
(on the megaphone) 16 hours, 45 minutes and 39 seconds till you die! 16 hours, 45 minutes and 17 seconds till you die!

(Arnold sleeps in bed with his pajamas.)

Kids
Fight, fight, fight, fight!
Harold
It's clobbering time.
Grandpa
Pound you flat and use your face for second base.
Harold
Your looney Grandma?
Grandpa
Never eat raspberries.

Scene 6: Arnold's Dream

(Arnold runs on the roofs and Helga, Harold and Stinky run after him.)

Helga
(laughs) Come on down, Arnold. We're gonna get you anyway.

(Arnold is on top of the building and holds up a bat.)

Arnold
Back, back, I say!
Harold
Ooh, he's got a bat! What are you gonna do, Arnold? Swing it at us?
Arnold
Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna swing it, I'm gonna swing it all day! (laughing and grunting)
Helga
He's crazy!
Harold
Run!
Arnold
Yeah, that's it! I'm crazy! (laughing)

Scene 7: The Sunset Arms

Radio D.J.
It's 7 o'clock on K-I-L-L. This one goes out to Arnold who's going to die in 2 hours, 6 minutes and 37 seconds from Helga who hates you.

(Arnold takes out his boombox and leaves the boarding house while the animals enter. A dog holds up a newspaper and Arnold looks at it and it says "Arnold to Die Today". Arnold throws the newspaper away and walks with Gerald.)

Scene 8: The Street

Harold
Well, where is he?
Helga
Don't worry, he'll be here. New morning line, Arnold goes down in 6 seconds! Any takers?
Iggy
I'm in, man.
Stinky
There he is!
Harold
So Arnold, you decided to show up. Now why don't you make it easy on yourself and hold still while I pound your football head of yours flat?
Arnold
Before you do, there's something you should know, Harold.
Harold
What?
Arnold
I'm crazy and you should never hit a crazy person.
Harold
Ooh, Arnold's crazy!

(Iggy, Joey, Stinky and Curly laugh.)

If you're so crazy, prove it!

Arnold
OK. (turns on the boombox)

1, 2, 3, grunt
Watch me! Hey!
Watch me! Hey

Now you think you got to put me down
Now you think you got to push me all around
But wait, don't hit me!
I'll hit me!

To the brim!
Hey, alright
Gotcha, gotcha, c'mon
Got to feel it, huh, in your body
Baby, man, hey!

I got a date
I got to, got to, break a plate
Don't hit me, I'll hit me!
I'm crazy!
YEAAAAAAH!

(turns off the boombox)

Harold
Wow, you really are crazy. Wanna join our club?

(The kids cheer.)

Iggy
Yeah, yeah, Arnold's crazy! He's wacko!
Sheena
He could be our president.
Iggy
Cool.
Helga
He did it, he really did it.

(Brainy wheezes at Helga with a bandage on his nose but Helga hits him.)

Hey, wait a minute, no fair! What about the fight? I sold tickets. There's gotta be a fight.

Harold
Hmm, OK. (to Iggy and Joey) You two guys fight.
Joey
Oh.
Iggy
OK.

(Iggy and Joey fight together. The kids cheer and picks up Arnold while leaving. Gerald winks at Helga.)

Helga
Boys are so stupid.

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