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Helga

I'll show them. I'm me the most mountain, nature-loving girl the Aptidute has ever seen. (Whacks a pine cone with a stick)

Eugene

5, 6, 7, 8, and— (Gets hit with the pine cone)

Helga

(Making arts & crafts out of pine cone) This really helps to pass the time. Oh yeah, the hours just go flying by when you reduce the scope of your entire world to all the stuff you can make out of a crummy pine cone!

Mr. Simmons

...So actually, Helga's results were quite exceptional. I'm deeply sorry for the heartache this must have caused you and your-

Bob

(Rummaging through his fridge) Fine, fine, whatever. Is this gonna cost me anything?

Mr. Simmons

No of course not.

Helga

I knew it! I'm a literary giant! I can be anything I want to be! Thank heavens I didn't throw away my poems and diaries, they'll be collector's items some day... "Portrait of the Artist as a Girl Genius"! (walks into living room)

Miriam

(Dumping box of Helga's journals into the fireplace)

Helga

(screams)

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