- I'm so close to the food! So close and yet so far away!
Helga (to Harold)
- Aw, put a sock in it! The rest of us can't live off our bulk like you can.
Mr. Simmons (to Helga)
- Young lady, I'm warning you.
- What are you gonna do, make me stay after school?
- Helga, you're just too dang ornery!
- Here's how much I care what you think. (snaps finger)
- I haven't changed my underwear in five weeks.
- 9:17. It's official. My life is over.
- Give Daddy some sugar.
- Are you attempting to leave the school grounds without permission, Ms. Pataki?
- Are you attempting to dance the flamenco, Principal Wartz?
- This moment never happened.
- (falls in water) AAAAAAH!!