I'm a Big Ugly Clown
- I'm a — I'm a...
- Big, ugly clown-o;
- A big, sad, ugly clown — ohhhhh...
- I'm Ruth McCarmen, and awfully charmin' —
- I guess you noticed by the way you stare;
- You're not bad, either — let's take a breather,
- And we can talk about my auburn hair!
- Her auburn hair — you're standing there!
- Why don't you introduce yourself to Ruth?
- She's like a flower blossom!
- I know — she's wicked awesome!
- Come on Arnold, it's the moment of truth!
- My name's Don Arnold...please have a caramel;
- Your hair is lovely — do you like my pants?
- They're made of satin; the cape's pure Latin —
- I had it tailored in the south of France!
- The south of France — your satin pants;
- Why don't you ask the lady for a dance?
- It's time for your decision!
- It's almost intermission!
- Hey, Arnold — you better ask her to dance!
- Ruth is a lightweight — a giggling geek-bait;
- I need to thrash her — that's what I said!
- Ruth is a loser! How could you choose her?
- How could you do that, football head?
- Football head! Football head!
- To show my contempt her, picture I shred!
- Helga's a viking!
- Sure is exciting!
- I'm gonna thump her right on the head!
- Oh yeah? How?
- With my golden magic slingshot!
- Golden magic slingshot?
- Golden magic slingshot?
- I thought it was spear and a magic helmet.
- No — with my golden magic slingshot!
- Ruth? Hmpfh!
- Just like I stated, she's overrated;
- A big no-brainer with enormous feet!
- Why not forget her? I'm so much better;
- My name's Carm Helga and I'm awfully sweet!
- She's awfully sweet — such tiny feet!
- Her name's Carm Helga and you two should meet!
- Come join my band of gypsies!
- We're touring fifty cities!
- With you, my gypsy band will be...
Chorus and Helga
- Perfect! What could possibly be better than this?
- Curlemio! It's Curlemio!
- Thank you very much!
- I'm so fine, the girls know I'm divine;
- The thing is, I'm sublime — it's really true, you know;
- (Really true, you know.)
- Check out my cuspidor! I'm what you're looking for;
- Helga, won't you dump this guy and come to my bullfights?
- Bullfights, huh?
- Bullfights and swordfights, rolling in manure;
- Blows to the head, I can endure!
- Fighting bulls is all I want in life
- Plus I could use a wife,
- (Use a wife)
- And several pairs of tights in shades of blue;
- (sighs with pleasure)
- (In shades of blue)
- Helga, please say "I Do"!
- (I Do!)
- The opera? What a waste of a good field trip!
- Contests of brute strength, wrestling in the mud!
- I'm looking for some music to listen to
- Curly's the best;
- That's right — tastes so good it's right
- Arnold's a dud!
- Helga, you should really get a clue;
- Whatever you say — that's right — what's a Torero?
- Curlamillo's for you!
- Arnold is last week's news —
- He's overdue;
- Curly's the one...for you!
- This is over!