What's Opera, Arnold?/Lyrics

I'm a Big Ugly Clown

Harold

I'm a — I'm a...

Big, ugly clown-o;

A  big, sad, ugly clown — ohhhhh...

Ruth McCarmen

Ruth

I'm Ruth McCarmen, and awfully charmin' —

I guess you noticed by the way you stare;

You're not bad, either — let's take a breather,

And we can talk about my auburn hair!

Chorus

Her auburn hair — you're standing there!

Why don't you introduce yourself to Ruth?

Stinky

She's like a flower blossom!

Sid

I know — she's wicked awesome!

Gerald

Come on Arnold, it's the moment of truth!

Don Arnold

Arnold

My name's Don Arnold...please have a caramel;

Your hair is lovely — do you like my pants?

They're made of satin; the cape's pure Latin —

I had it tailored in the south of France!

Chorus

The south of France — your satin pants;

Why don't you ask the lady for a dance?

Stinky

It's time for your decision!

Sid

It's almost intermission!

Gerald

Hey, Arnold — you better ask her to dance!

Brun Helga

Helga

Ruth is a lightweight — a giggling geek-bait;

I need to thrash her — that's what I said!

Ruth is a loser! How could you choose her?

How could you do that, football head?

Chorus

Football head! Football head!

Helga

To show my contempt her, picture I shred!

Stinky

Helga's a viking!

Sid

Sure is exciting!

Helga

I'm gonna thump her right on the head!

Arnold

Oh yeah? How?

Helga

With my golden magic slingshot!

Stinky

Golden magic slingshot?

Sid

Golden magic slingshot?

Gerald

I thought it was spear and a magic helmet.

Helga

No — with my golden magic slingshot!

Doi!

Carm Helga

Arnold

Ruth, Ruth? Ruth!?

Helga

Ruth? Hmpfh!

Just like I stated, she's overrated;

A big no-brainer with enormous feet!

Why not forget her? I'm so much better;

My name's Carm Helga and I'm awfully sweet!

Chorus

She's awfully sweet — such tiny feet!

Her name's Carm Helga and you two should meet!

Helga

Come join my band of gypsies!

Chorus

We're touring fifty cities!

Helga

With you, my gypsy band will be...

Chorus

Complete!

Helga

Perfect! What could possibly be better than this?

Curly's Bullfights

Chorus girls

Curlemio!

Curly

Thank you very much!

I'm so fine, the girls know I'm divine;

The thing is, I'm sublime — it's really true, you know;

Chorus girls

(Really true, you know.)

Curly

Check out my cuspidor! I'm what you're looking for;

Helga, won't you dump this guy and come to my bullfights?

Chorus girls

(Bullfights!)

Curly

Bullfights and swordfights, rolling in manure;

Blows to the head I can endure!

Fighting bulls is all I want in life

Plus I could use a wife,

Chorus girls

(Use a wife!)

Curly

And several pairs of tights in shades of blue;

Chorus girls

(In shades of blue!)

Curly

Helga, please say "I Do"!

Chorus girls

(I Do!)

Carmen Rap

Fourth-graders

The opera? What a waste of a good field trip!

Contests of brute strength, wrestling in the mud!

I'm looking for some music to listen to

Curly's the best;

That's right — tastes so good it's right

Arnold's a dud!

Figaro...

Helga, you should really get a clue;

Whatever you say — that's right — what's a Torero?

Curlamillo's for you!

Arnold is last week's news —

He's overdue;

Figaro-ro-ro-ro

Curly's the one...for you!

This is over!

See also

• Transcript of the episode "What's Opera, Arnold?"